The Secret to Self Empowerment: Never Cry ‘Uncle’!

by Gary Coxe
(Lakeland, Florida, USA)

It is a true story that I will never forget. A 17-year-old young man gets married, and shortly afterward, his wife gives birth to a baby boy. That’s the only ray of sunshine in this picture! She then tells him the baby isn’t his - she’s been cheating on him!

At the same time, his father is murdered, his grandfather and step-father both die of cancer, his uncle is killed in a plane crash, he is admitted into the hospital and put on medication, has $30,000 cash in the bank and loses it all! All of this and much more happened to him by the time he was 21 years of age. And you think you’ve had a bad day!

Unfortunately, that story was mine and not one bit of it was exaggerated. I share this with you, not to get your sympathy, but rather because it is nice to know that there is someone out there who has shared the same joys and similar pains. Also, I want to share some of the strategies that I have used to keep from crying ‘Uncle’ during all of these challenges.

I am often asked, “How in the world did you get through all of that?”. First, I’ll never underestimate the power of prayer. Second, I’ve always had a target (besides my ex-wife of course!). Also, I figure you have to have a sense of humor. Think about it! If we can’t laugh about the tragedies in our past, how in the world do we think we will be able to endure, much less enjoy, the present and the future.

Is Positive Thinking the Key?
After going through all of these challenges, I was on a quest to bounce back as fast as was humanly possible. I got the impression from self-help books that all I had to do was say positive things. Say ‘I can do it’ and I would, say ‘I am great’ and I will be. Was that ever far from the truth! Yes, positive thinking was necessary but it was not the key. I’ve seen a lot of people who say positive things but never get any results. I learned that positive thinking was like spray paint on rust — it doesn’t last long. It simply doesn’t move or motivate you to take any long-term action.

Perception — How Can It Affect You?
Shakespeare once said, “Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so”. How powerful and true! In others words, perception is the key to never giving up. It is so easy to fall prey to negative perceptions. For example, there are two statements that many people use that will literally program them unconsciously to perceive whatever happens to them as negative. Then they grossly exaggerate this as being worse than it really is. Read the next paragraph to see if it has caught you!

Have you ever said, “If it ain’t one thing, it’s another.” Or what about, “When it rains, it pours.” When we say words like this, our perception of things is worse than they really are. The instant we say one of these statements, which I call attitude- adjusting statements, we perceive the next little negative thing that happens to us to be worse than it really is.

Think about this. When things are great in life and business is booming, how many people say, “When it rains, it pours!”? They don’t. That statement is only used with negative experiences. So, if you must use this kind of statement, next time things are really going your way, fake your brain out — with a great big smile, say, “When it rains, it pours!”

Your Belief System = Your Success
One of the most effective ways to bounce back is to develop a powerful belief system. This is where you convert thoughts to reality. Saying that you will never be defeated or quit are only words — believing is the difference between those who say and those who do.

An effective tool in creating a powerful belief, which incidentally creates motivation and drive, is to associate with people who have a ‘never quit’ attitude. Feed off of their energy and ideas. When I was 16 years old, I made it a point to associate with millionaires, not other 16-year-olds. They think differently! My reward: I owned my second business at age 17 and soon was making over $100,000 (as a teenager!). As one wise man said, “Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are.”

It’s inevitable that life is going to deal us many difficult cards. One way I have found to truly cope and maintain the desire to keep going forward is to realize that success is really not a destination, but a journey. When things get challenging, it’s easy to magnify the problem.

This, in turn, can prevent us from being able to see the whole picture. If one finds himself (or herself!) unable to do that, it could be a sign that his belief is not as strong as it should be and/or is being altered by negative perception of the obstacle at hand. By forcing yourself to deal with the problem, and at the same looking at the whole picture, you will be able to look beyond the actual obstacle. This will help strengthen the belief that we can keep going forward and we will never quit.

Gary Coxe is a Personal Growth Expert and is recognized as one of the nation’s leading experts in the personal growth arena. He is a master at teaching others how to make dramatic change in their lives as well as a powerful resource in helping others create an extraordinary life with lasting results.