Living a Joyful Singles Life –
self help resources for
Happiness, Health & Prosperity
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.”
– Abraham Lincoln
Life is so very good when you are single, you fly solo to do what you want, when you want, with whom you want, where you want.
Make the most of it and BE HAPPY about the freedoms you have right now.Party time! Or even better, read or watch TV until 3 am, eating in bed and wearing tattered PJs, looking like a truck hit you – who is there to complain?
The issue is probably one of whether you choose to or have to fly solo in your life at the moment.
The job right now is to be Happy in your life, built around you right now with self help strategies for the single life you now enjoy
Pleasure comes with the fulfillment of desire – getting what you want and wanting what you get. Happiness comes with the fulfillment of the person. And much of our moral confusions comes from the fact that we no longer know what happiness is, nor how to obtain it – Roger Scruton.
Lifelong happiness, starting right now
“Success is getting what you want – Happiness is wanting what you get.”
Your life is what you will make of it.
Some of the self help content and resources linked to this page are:
Happiness and the Single Person; Changing Myth Into Reality By Toni Coleman
Does the expression “single and happy” sound like an oxymoron to you? Are you weary of others (especially other singles) reinforcing the belief that singles cannot be happy?
Do you find yourself always planning for the future or putting things off until you “are married and settled? Do you often have a sense that the intense feelings of happiness and joy cannot really be experienced unless you “have someone to share it with?”
Do you just feel there is not enough time and other necessary resources available to the single person to pursue experiences that can bring true happiness?
If the above resonates in your gut, do not despair. The following tips will offer ways to help you experience your present reality differently through changing behavior that is based on those negative (false) beliefs. Essentially, these tips will offer advice on how to live a joyful, fulfilling and balanced single life, which will also assist you in achieving a healthy, long- term, intimate relationship.
• Seek self-fulfillment as an individual.
Place emphasis on being truly alive and experiencing the things that bring you true pleasure. Do not let the feelings of peace and wonder slip from your life as you wait to share (beautiful sunsets) and other gifts of life with a future partner.
Do not place your focus on “getting there.” Instead, learn to experience the journey of life. If you can only see the goal of a relationship – marriage, home, children, etc., you will not enjoy the experiences along life’s way.
A good analogy for this is that of a person who bikes and sets (ie), a 40-mile goal for the day. They plan and prepare and off they go. The trip consists of thoughts about getting there, watching for problems in the road ahead, measuring the distance and looking forward to the sense of relief and accomplishment when the goal is met.
What about the sensory experiences missed along the way? This biker will not see the way the sun is reflecting on the river. They will not hear the sounds of the birds and other wildlife in the parallel world around them.
The smells of fresh vegetation, moist soil and spring-drenched air will not reach their awareness. It is doubtful their mind will trip and play with thoughts of other (perhaps childhood) days like this.
In other words, they will not be IN the experience, just racing through it, and missing the magic available all around them.
• Do not put off important life decisions while waiting for that special someone.
If your desire is to own your own home, work towards achieving this now. Yes, it may be smaller than if you had a partner to share it with. Your list of must-haves with this first home may be different (as yours alone) than they would be if you were looking for a family. When that time comes, you can make the decision to remain there for a time, or sell/rent out your first place.
In the meantime, you will have an investment that you can make into something that meets your needs now for comfortable and secure living. It will add stability and be a wonderful help at tax time.
If you are thinking about making a career change or going back to school for a degree, there is no better time than now.
Yes, this may involve re-working priorities, moving, giving up some income, etc. If this is something you have decided you want for your life, delaying it until you are settled in a relationship may make it impossible to achieve.
Make that move now. Do not let this time in your life be placed on hold as you wait for things to happen in your life, instead of working to make them become reality.
• Pamper yourself
Do nice things for yourself now that you have been putting off until…
Go ahead and take that trip to the exotic place you have always wanted to visit. You can return there someday with your special someone.
Make it a habit to set the table for your dinner (for one). Use nice china and candles. Treat yourself as deserving of the things couples routinely provide to themselves as a unit. Ask yourself, am I less deserving because I am single?
Put care and love into how you decorate your home. It does not have to cost a lot of money or become another chore to accomplish this. Make it a comfortable nest and retreat from the world. You and your future mate can decide together what to keep, change or add to.
• Make a plan, not excuses
Make time for the things that matter. Do not let your job or other responsibilities take over your life. Set those priorities. Set limits on work and other functional tasks. We often cite work as our best excuse for not attending to our other needs and wants. This may mean making less money or not moving up as fast in the organization.
Without balance, there will be deficits in the emotional, spiritual, and social and leisure areas of your life. Write down your must haves.
Take time out each day for unwinding and relaxation. Keep a weekly inventory of how you are doing and make adjustments as necessary.
Learn how to productively “waste time”. Turn off the blackberry and TV. Spend time alone with your thoughts. Reflect on your feelings and your life.
This is the season for new beginnings. Let this spring be your time for learning how to be truly happy and at peace within yourself.
Immerse your senses in the many joys that the world around you has to offer. Don’t shut out the beauty and happiness that is available to everyone, regardless of their relationship status.
Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in private practice in McLean, Virginia. She specializes in working with singles that want to create lasting, intimate relationships. Toni has over 20 years of post-masters experience in relationship counseling and coaching with singles and couples. She is the founder and President of LifeChange Coaching and Consum-mate Relationship Coaching. She developed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships Training, a tele-workshop designed to help singles to define, implement and fulfill their life and relationship goals. She has also written numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly. http://www.consum-mate.com
FEEL HAPPY! Achieving BALANCED EMOTIONS for genuine and lasting happiness. These self help resources will help you to maintain a positive attitude and state of wellbeing even when problems threaten to spoil your good state of mind.
“The image of myself which I try to create in my own mind in order that I may love myself is very different from the image which I try to create in the minds of others in order that they may love me” – W.H. Auden.
Every event we perceive through our senses is analyzed, evaluated and registered in the mind as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. Our belief systems seek to determine whether each perceived input is something, which will “protect” or “endanger” our security, self-worth and / or freedom.
When life’s events are interpreted by our programmed mind as threatening, fearful or unpleasant, we experience a state of anxiety and tension. When anxiety and nervous tension become a chronic situation, then the body and mind are gradually worn down into a state of weakness and ill health. A psychosomatic illness is created.
The energy flow, concentration and clarity of the mind are disturbed. Organs begin to malfunction. Negative emotional states such as depression, bitterness, fear, anger, hate, envy, jealousy and resentment dominate the mind. Our relationships begin to deteriorate and a feeling of alienation can set it.
Self help singles article continued HA6:
Be FLEXIBLE, Don’t be a Perfectionist and do try to be Adaptable in your expectations of yourself and events around you. Our expectations can be so inflexible that even one small event can ruin the day for you. By maintaining an openness to changes in your plans and having back up strategies you will feel great every day.
Have better RELATIONSHIPS with family and friends that will support you in positive ways. Mother or Mother-in-law problems? Your Partner not as supportive of you as you need? Friends bringing grief into your life? Here are some self help strategies to bring warmth, love and respect into your relationships.
“He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare, and he who has one enemy will neet him everywhere.” – Ali ibn-Abi-Talib
“The number one complaint women have in relationships is: ‘I don’t feel heard’.” – John Gray
What Went Wrong? When Relationships Go From Hot To Coldself help relationships article by Toni Coleman
Everything was great.
We had been dating for 6 months. We shared the same interests, felt very at ease together, had (often) discussed future plans and had even spent some of the holidays together. Our relationship seemed right on track and just right in general.
Then, without warning, he said he “needs some time to think and figure things out.” He stopped calling and rarely returned my calls. When he did, I was often met with silence on the other end of the line.
When I asked “what happened”, I just got a verbal run around of excuses about how busy he is and/or how much stress he is under right now.
What happened? What did I do? I don’t know what to think.
Does the above scenario sound at all familiar? If so, you can relate to being confused and stunned over the sudden change in a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s behavior.
Now think about this – What if your relationship wasn’t what you thought it was? What if unspoken issues had existed all along? What if there were signs you chose to ignore or just didn’t see? Are any of these possible?
This sudden change in a couple’s relationship is reported quite a bit by individuals who have just broken up with a significant other. Unfortunately, it leaves the person who has been “dumped” with feelings of low self-esteem, regret, inadequacy and anger.
There is often no real closure, as the couple is never able (willing) to talk through what went wrong or was never right with their relationship.
So, how can you know what the problem was and hope to avoid a repeat of this hurtful experience? You can do this by examining your failed relationship and gaining insight and understanding about what just wasn’t right between you.
In order to assist you with this; I am providing a basic framework of the relationship stages a couple must pass through TOGETHER in order to get to a place of shared intimacy and commitment.
If either person’s feelings change before, during or after one of these stages; it is not necessarily the “fault” of the other individual. It is simply a statement about the individuals’ rightness (or not) for each other.
It is also a reflection of each individual’s relationship readiness and ability to handle long-term, committed intimacy.
How an individual handles their changing feelings and resultant behavior toward the other is a subject for another article.
Relationships have stages. We have all read articles and books by authors who have come up with their own unique number or names for these. I will try to take a very basic approach to this and keep it simple and as universal as possible.
This is the first stage. It is physical, intellectual and emotional – on a very surface level. Girl sees boy and vice versa. They flirt, talk and get a very basic sense of the other. They are usually responding to a physical pull. He/she is cute, funny, charming, interesting to talk to, etc.
Without attraction, first dates wouldn’t happen. It can therefore be assumed that the other person finds us attractive if we have gotten to a first date.
In a way, this is the easy one. We are unknowns to each other. Things progress from this point or they do not. Hurt feelings are minimal. We usually chalk up rejection to; “I’m not his type”. There is no need to analyze or wonder what went wrong.
If both people feel a strong enough level of attraction continues to exist after a few dates, they usually move along to stage two. However, if one finds the other has unattractive characteristics or behaviors, this can lead to an abrupt change in the relationship.
Remember, these behaviors or characteristics would be ones that would manifest in the very early stage of dating. Some examples: frequently late, never offers to pay, dresses or grooms sloppily, rude to waitress, etc.
In this second stage, couples begin to test out the idea of themselves as a unit. Dating is no longer brand new. It is more comfortable and predictable. Sharing romantic dinners and exciting special interests are typical dates during this new and fun time in a growing relationship.
During this stage, flowers are given for no special reason and loving cards are slipped back and forth with words like “thinking of you”. It’s a happy carefree time, when lovers tend to idealize, romanticize and overlook that which can be right in front of them. The relationship seems effortless and spontaneous.
Affection is shared openly and frequently. One’s partner seems perfect. There is rarely conflict during this period. The partners often share the unrealistic belief that their relationship is so special and unique that it will always stay this way.
This stage can last from three or four months up to more than a year. It is actually the shortest stage that any long-term relationship goes through. It is also the one we wish we could hold on to forever and long for when it is gone.
This is the stage that love poems speak about. It is also believed (falsely) by many that this is what long-term committed love will always be like.
Many relationships begin to stumble at the end of this period. For that is when reality begins to set in. As partners begin to experience some disagreement, conflict and/or shared challenges- the relationship shifts as do the dynamics between the partners.
Though many relationships move past this stage, a number do not. Why? There are many reasons. These can include:
* lack of readiness for the challenges of the next stage
* issues with commitment and fidelity
* immature beliefs about what relationships should be
* being stuck on an idealized, romanticized notion of love
If one of the partners is not ready for a less than perfect and more demanding stage of love, they will exhibit this in their behavior, language and overall level of openness and availability towards the other.
This is when the couple begins to think more seriously of a future with each other. The focus tends to be; how well do we get along, do we share similar interests and do I want to date this person exclusively?
Growth Through Negotiation
This is a very challenging and growing time in all relationship building. Reality comes into play as the couple settles into the comfort and predictability of their togetherness. Little issues can become blown-up into large conflicts.
The individuals begin to compete for their share of control and their place in this growing union. Differences can become highlighted instead of minimized.
This is often the period when couples experience their first fight. Hurt feelings can occur as that once loving and completely accepting other person airs a criticism or voices annoyance or concern. Often, the individuals believe it is the other person who needs to change.
This is where the need for (or lack of) communication, problem-solving and negotiating skills becomes apparent. For without an adequate measure of these, disagreements can break down into screaming matches where insults and recriminations are fired like missiles.
If the individuals can listen, be supportive of each other’s feelings, compromise and not lay blame, they have a good chance of working through this stage and achieving a true intimacy.
This does not mean they will share all the same beliefs and opinions or that they will necessarily even like the other’s view. However, having and showing respect is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
Not only will relationships fail without these relationship-building strengths, they can also abruptly end if one of the partners decides that they don’t feel the same way about this person in their less than idealized state.
The reality may not be to their liking or just something they are not ready for in general. Either way, they will pull back, present differently or disappear without warning. How they handle their changing feelings is further information about their level of relationship readiness and maturity in general.
Intimacy is the reward that is gained when a couple has successfully worked through the difficult last stage of negotiation. It is almost like a new coming together with much greater self (and other) awareness.
This new information can work to solidify the union or give one of both individuals enough new information about the other to require a reassessment of their desire to remain together.
Each person looks at the other in their (naked) state and asks; “is this the person I want to be with”? Here their individual differences are highlighted. The early romantic haze has cleared. What they have to offer to each other and to a future life together comes into play.
This is a time when couples often begin to contemplate each other’s attributes in a more practical way. They look at the other’s strengths and weaknesses. They evaluate each other’s potential as a future spouse, parent, provider, caregiver, partner, etc.
Relationships can be tested more during this time. Infidelity is one dysfunctional way that some individuals do this. Often, this leads to the end of the relationship.
When differences can be seen, aired and accepted, the couple has a good chance of moving on together from this place. Essentially, they have decided they want to be with the other, warts and all.
When the behavior of one or both partners change, it is generally because they have made a conscious or unconscious decision regarding the wrongness of the other for them or for the type of relationship they seek.
This is the final stage of relationship building. Once individuals have reached this place, they are ready to cement their bond. While much growth and work will lay ahead in a future life together, they are ready to begin this life soon.
New challenges arise during each stage, and will happen here as well. However, if the couple has successfully worked through the previous stages, they should have many of the tools they need.
The external problems and pressures that come with life will test their resolve and commitment over the years. They may need to reassess, re-negotiate and renew their feelings and commitment. Fortunately, they will be in possession of the basic tools required.
If they choose well to begin with, they should be successful.
As you evaluate your failed relationship, note the stage you were in when the change occurred. Chances are that the necessary level of readiness and maturity was not present in one or both of you. Perhaps one of you decided that this is not the kind of partner or relationship I am seeking.
This new information and insight should help you to choose a future partner who is better suited to you and desirous of the same kind of relationship that you are.
Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in private practice in McLean, Virginia. She specializes in working with singles who want to create lasting, intimate relationships. Toni has over 20 years of post-masters experience in relationship counseling and coaching with singles and couples. She is the founder and President of LifeChange Coaching and Consum-mate Relationship Coaching. She developed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships Training, a tele-workshop designed to help singles to define, implement and fulfill their life and relationship goals. She has also written numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthlyhttp://www.consum-mate.com
Online Dating tips: size=4>
Dating and Romance self help resources:
Your SELF IMAGE shapes the way you feel about yourself and what you expect from your life and the people around you. You do deserve the best that life has to offer you, so why not develop a genuine expectation that life will always be abundant, supportive, fun and joyful?
***How many mornings did you get up, looking in the mirror and thinking, “Oh boy, how can I present myself to the world looking like that? How can I ever be successful if this is what I am?”
And how many mornings did you get up, looking in the mirror and thinking, “Today is the day! I can feel it in my bones, in my toes, in my fingertips. I’ll sweep them of their feet!”
Do you recall what in both cases the day looked like? On mornings like the ones described first, you could actually just go back to bed and sleep the day away, because whatever it was that surrounded you, was negative and wouldn’t help you to reach your goal at all. On mornings like the second, you could just not go wrong. Your smile, your touch, your complete presentation charmed each and everyone around you!
What was the difference? No, not a new, expensive dress or suit you recently bought. And not a recent visit to the beautician. Not the new pair of shoes and not the weight you just lost. In fact it may have been a day on which you just dressed in something you had been wearing many times before, gained some extra pounds, and had a pimple on your nose. But it was your perception that made the difference!
Continue article HA10…….
Your APPEARANCE and PRESENTATION says so much about you and your expectations, both to the people around you and to yourself when you look in the mirror every day.
Sense of Purpose
Develop a SENSE OF PURPOSE to your life for greater passion, joy of achievement, and contribution. Remember the last time you woke up and just jumped out of bed, rushing toward the day ahead with an attitude of anticipation and excitement? You may not feel like that EVERY single day, but these self help strategies will help to bring you more than you have been getting lately.
“It matters not how strait the gate,
how charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.” – WE Henley.
Your RECREATION activities are what charge your batteries when you take time off to do the things you really enjoy.
When did you last have fun? Have you developed a Hobby that you truly love, that allows your creative energy to flow and makes you feel happy every minute that you are engrossed in it?
How was your last Holiday? These self help suggestions will help to get the ideas flowing for more fun in your time off.
Tips For Singles On Celebrating The New YearBy Toni Coleman
It’s four weeks away and you don’t have any plans. Many of your friends will be away or out with their significant others. You can’t believe it’s been a whole year and you are facing another dateless New Years Eve. What can you do?
If the above sounds familiar, it may be time for some quiet reflection that allows you to really think about what this holiday means to you and how you want to observe it. You may have more options available to you than you realize, especially if you feel stuck on that one idea of going out with a date and “celebrating”. If you tap into your creativity, you can design an evening that works for you and helps you to begin the New Year on the right note.
The following is a general list of possibilities that you can add to:
* Plan an evening out with friends. You can go to dinner, a movie, a club or theatre or a combination of these.
* Plan an evening in with friends. Have a pot luck meal, rent a few movies, splurge of some great desserts and just enjoy each other’s company.
* Plan an evening out alone. Go to a favorite restaurant for a quiet meal, catch a movie, go hear a band or visit your favorite pub where you may be able to connect with some people you know.
* Plan a nice evening home alone. You can either cook or order take out from your favorite restaurant, rent a favorite movie, splurge on a special dessert or all of the above. Perhaps you would rather have a light meal followed by a long soak in the tub or a few hours in your favorite cozy spot, reading a good book.
* Start a quiet celebration early on the 31st. Treat yourself to a massage, manicure, facial, work-out with a personal trainer, time in the steam room or sauna- to name a few possibilities.
Then you can follow this up with one of the above for your evening. If you end up home alone, you will have had a day of pleasant self-indulgence that will leave you rested, relaxed and ready for a good night’s sleep.
If you choose a night alone on New Year’s Eve you may want to have a special plan for New Year’s Day. Some possibilities?
* Check with friends about parties that may be going on at the home of an acquaintance or hosted in a local restaurant or pub.
* If the weather is nice, consider doing something outdoors. Many areas of the country have ski areas within a two-hour drive that offer a whole range of outdoor activities. You can invite along a friend (s) or go solo, depending upon who is available. Hiking, biking, ice-skating or any snow related activities (depending upon the area you live in) are perfect at this time of year.
It’s also a great way to begin the year’s resolution of getting (staying) in shape and leading a healthier lifestyle. After an outdoor workout, hot chocolate and a meal of comfort food by a warm fire really hits the spot.
* If you are not into planning/participating in something out, consider a project at home. Many of us have unfinished organizing, paperwork and decorating tasks that we would love to get handled and off our to-do lists.
How great it would feel to tackle some of this and bask in that feeling of accomplishment afterwards.
This does not have to be a day of drudgery. Have music or a movie playing in the background. Take time out for a nice brunch, lunch or dinner. An early dinner with a friend would be a nice way to wrap up it all up.
Whatever you decide to do with this holiday, keep in mind it’s significance of a new beginning. What a great time to start fresh and set those goals that will lead to the life changes you desire. Taking action will make a difference. The choice is up to you. Have a restful, pleasant and productive New Year. Happy Holidays!
Toni Coleman is a psychotherapist and relationship coach who specializes in working with singles who are trying to create healthy, lasting relationships. Her coaching also focuses on helping people to achieve happiness and a greater level of fulfillment in their present, single life. Toni has over 20 years of experience in relationship counseling and coaching with singles and couples. She has authored articles related to meeting, dating, communicating, single life and healing from relationship loss. Many of these can be found on over thirty relationship oriented web sites. Toni designed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships class, which is a tele-workshop that teaches singles to define, implement and fulfill their life and relationship goals. Her free email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly.http://www.consum-mate.com
Creativity & hobbies:
“Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort” Franklin D Roosevelt.
Your hobbies are important for your happiness and wellbeing.
The pride of creating things with your own hands is never to be underestimated. It provides a sense of accomplishment and pride in your skill that only you can create for yourself.
You don’t need to be an artist or master craftsman to develop your own skills or collections. There are many self help ideas for getting satisfaction without needing to spend a fortune or taking over the house with equipment and materials.
Create a corner for yourself, even if only a couple of shelves in a bookcase that can hold your patterns, journals or collections.
‘It doesn’t matter what is happening to the economy, government or your industry; it matters what is going on in your imagination. If you’ve got a rich imagination you’re going to have a rich experience” Mark Victor Hansen
Creative Ideas self help resource continued on link below:
FISHING TIPS & recreational sports self help
“Learn To Fish: It’s Fun!”
Fishing is a fun and tranquil sport that lets you spend quiet time with your friends, family and with Mother Nature. Fresh water fishing is a sport involving the catching of fish in lakes, rivers and streams. It involves a lot of patience, challenge and a lot of acquired skill over time.
“Tips on Finding a Fishing Guide”
Open Communication matters. It is important that you provide the guide all the information they need so that they will figure out what kind of fishing trip is best for you. Be sure to be honest in telling the guide how much experience you have regarding fishing.
“Some Basic Facts about Fishing Gear”
In fishing, it is very important to an angler’s success that he starts with the proper equipment. He may purchase or own the finest equipment in the world, but when it is assembled and put into use, it may prove to be a very decided handicap.
“Fishing Tips for Beginners”
There are many kinds of fishing equipments in stores, numerous fishing methods in books, and fishing advices online. To make it all simple, here are the basic things you need to know for your first time fishing adventure.
“Fishing Tackle Guidelines”
Fishing can be an extremely enjoyable and relaxing adventure. As long as you have the right tools, the fishing safety knowledge, and a little bit of support from friends or family, you could perform your fishing successfully.
“The Basic Fishing Supplies”
Fishing is a nature-oriented sport that allows you to relax. Many people want to experience fishing, but are unable to buy the appropriate supplies for their adventure.
“Purpose of Fishing Rod Holders”
Fishing is a sport designed for relaxation. It is where fish lovers pride themselves of the fish caught while celebrating it with friends and family.
Fishing is about being with nature and for those who have been doing it for a very long time; it takes more than just a simple fishing rod and bait.
“Fishing with the Right Line”
There will always be challenges whether one decides to fish either in the river or in the open sea. The important thing to remember is to have patience waiting for the fish and doing the best to catch it when it appears.
“License to Fish”
Fishing is just one of the many forms of relaxation people do these days with either friends or family. It is a time for bonding and a great escape from the pressures of daily life.
“The Best Way To Cook Your Freshly Caught Fish”
A freshly caught fish can be cooked in a thousand and one ways. Any fisherman worth his salt has his own unique way of cooking a freshly caught trout, salmon or whatever fish he caught.
On the Job
ON THE JOB: Enjoy yourself AT WORK so that you are happier in all areas of your life We spend so much time at work, whether it be at home or in a business, that what happen during those hours will impact on our view of our whole day, life and the world in general. We need to develop skills in overcoming obstacles that we will inevitably encounter every day so that we can still enjoy the rest of our lives.
“I have that normal male thing of valuing myself according to the job I do. When I can’t tell someone in one word what I am, then something is missing. I don’t represent anything anymore.” – Michael Portillo
Single Living Strategies for Unfair Work Demands
self help Contributors article Self Help Happiness at work, on the job article:
“I would like to see some information geared to single households and some suggestions on how to deflect some of the nasty comments about being “selfish.”
I’m usually the one that gets to stay at work late because I “don’t have a husband or children to go home to.”
I have worked full time my whole life and would like to take some time (before retirement) to relax, pursue my interests, exercise and live life. I am a different person when not overscheduled and stressed.
Please can you help by soliciting suggestions from other single readers regarding saving, cutting expenses, and lifestyle? “ — Margaret
Start Taking Classes
A number of years ago, I was the one who always worked late and had to go in on days off to finish up jobs. When a community college opened near my home, I enrolled in several courses, one at a time.
I had a legitimate reason (not excuse) to leave on time to get to class two evenings each week. I chose subjects I wanted to know more about. The classes were very inexpensive and most lasted six to eight weeks. You can also audit classes for free or inexpensively, again in subjects that interest you.
I was having so much fun doing this that my boss and his family joined in some classes, and we all took “Line Dancing” together. Just tell them that you have to be at college immediately after work.
Not everyone has to know you are taking a course on Travel, Foreign Language, or Small Engine Repair. — Bettie
Talk to Your Boss
You may not have kids or a husband, but you still have things to do at home. Tell the boss that you have commitments in life that are outside the office and need the workload to be distributed evenly.
He or she needs to change the work pattern in your office, not you. It is time that the others do some of the extra workload. If they complain that “you are being selfish,” I would say it is not selfish to want time outside the office.
Then drop the subject. They have no right to ask you to do more than your fair share.
My best friend was a single mother who worked 40 plus hours every week plus had her boys in Scouts, plays, baseball and more. If she could do it for over 20 years, then they can as well. — Csinbad
Self help singles article continued HA254 below:
PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT: SCHOOL & STUDY, strategies for a happier time while learning.
“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination are omnipotent. The slogan ‘press on’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” – Calvin Coolidge
HA27 The Law of Giving and Receiving by VT Neta
Personal Goal Setting
GOAL SETTING and ACTION PLANS and CHECKLISTS and SELF GROWTH BOOKS Yes, at some point you need to do more than just read these self help strategies, you need to develop and define your goals and get yourself into action. The sheer Joy of Accomplishment is well worth the effort.
Six easy steps to Get Where You Want to Go – without the Stress:
self help goal setting article byCarol Halsey
The comment I hear most frequently from business people is that they feel overwhelmed with work, and are often playing the game of “catch up.”
But there is a way for getting it all done without being overwhelmed. You are probably thinking, “but you don’t understand – all the phone calls, on the spot decisions, immediate tasks.” But I do understand. These are the realities of business.
However, a little preplanning and goal setting can ease the daily pressures and find you additional time each day – as much as an hour – and relieve a whole lot of stress. It boils down to you being more in control of how your day goes, and not being controlled by the situations that hit you.
1. Identifying and writing down your goals, short and long term, is the beginning. You may already have done this, but how do you accomplish them in a timely manner?
2. Scheduling your time is the next step. The question is then, how do you plan your time to accomplish goals when you are under the gun with crises, deadlines and interruptions?
3. Start with a daily “to do” list, which identifies the uncompleted tasks required to meet each goal.
4. Next, prioritize those tasks in order of which must be accomplished first. We sometimes are so caught up in the urgent matters of the day that we fail to schedule time to undertake the important tasks that will lead us to our goals.
5. Allot time each day to address these tasks, in the form of blocks of quiet time, at least one hour, to work these tasks, and to plan. Find the most creative and productive time for you and use this time wisely. Let phone calls go to voice mail to be returned later.
This time is an appointment you make with yourself, and treat as any other business commitment. It gives you the sense of being in control of where you are going, and that you are taking the positive steps to get there. If circumstances arise that infringe on your quiet time, and surely at some time they will, reschedule for later in the day. You will soon realize the importance of having this quiet time.
6. Take 10 minutes at the end of each day to plan for tomorrow.Identify and prioritize tasks necessary to reach your goals on a daily “to do” list. However, be careful not to commit every minute, but allow flexibility for the unexpected and urgent events that surely will occur, and it also allows you to reschedule your quiet time if necessary. ©2001 Carol Halsey
Carol Halsey is Founder and President of Business Organizing Solutions. She is a professional organizer, consultant, speaker, and author of “93 Organizing Tips to Simplify Your Business Life.” You can get this booklet and articles, ideas and a free Idea Kit, filled with simple tips for saving time, simply by visiting her web site: Http://www.PilesToFiles.com
Your HEALTHY BODY & MIND
Live a Longer and Healthier Life.
You should balance your activities with the proper amount of rest. Some of the leading experts in the field of aging now believe that regular exercise along with the proper amount of rest may actually add years to the life span. Results from a number of tests indicate that speed and muscular strength of many of the elderly can be extended.
Leading authorities agree that this new data is going to shatter many of the myths about aging and physical performance. The conclusion now is that the performance and ability of the elderly has long been underestimated. Diet, proper sleep and exercise along with rest and relaxation are all important factors in preserving our bodies.
Laughter is one of the best things for your mental and physical state. People are naturally attracted to someone who has a good sense of humor. You can develop a good outlook and a good sense of humor by associating with and surrounding yourself with pleasant happy people.
Recognize that stress is a killer. A life filled with stress can really wreck havoc on your body, causing a number of illnesses such as heart attacks, strokes, asthma, gastric problems, menstrual disorders, ulcerative colitis, angina, irritable colon, increased blood pressure, ulcers, headaches, etc.
There are different types of stress such as mental, emotional and physical. Emotional stress seems to take the greatest toll on everyone. All stress is not bad; in fact life would not be very interesting if it were not met with challenges. However, too much stress, too often with no effective and appropriate outlet, does not allow the body and soul to recuperate.
You might review a typical week to see if you can identify things that might be making you anxious or causing you stress. Once identified, stressors can be attacked and eliminated.
Are you a worrier? Chronic worriers don’t have more serious problems than others – they just think they do. Many worriers try to cope by trying not to think about their problems, but this just makes things worse. Doctors say that chronic worriers feel less anxious if they actually spend a half-hour a day thinking specifically about their problems.
Get plenty of exercise. People who are physically fit look good and feel good. A good exercise regimen will lengthen your life, improve your appearance, build self confidence and help delay the aging process.
Remember that you need to do something physical every day. If you don’t use your joints, quite simply they’ll tighten up with age to create the stooped, bent and worn out appearance we so often associate with old age.
Studies have shown that people with arthritis experience less pain if they continue to keep their joints flexible. As one gets older, the bones tend to get brittle which is why it is common for senior citizens to break bones and especially their hips when they fall.
Eating right, getting proper sleep and learning to relax are all very valuable in maintaining a healthy body and mind. And keep in mind that eating healthy foods and avoiding those high in fats, sodium and cholesterol will help decrease your risk of heart disease, high blood pressure and associated problems.
For full collection of Health self help articles click on HE002 link below:
HE002 Staying Healthy ebook
Many of us seem to struggle to watch our expenses.
Sometimes it’s hard to just say no. So what’s a person to do?
We’ll begin by asking two questions. Where do you spend money? And why do you spend money?
The answers to those two questions can help us get more enjoyment out of our income.
self help article continued P122 below:
P122 Having More Fun on Less Money by Gary Foreman
Have More Money:
*** Perhaps as a single you have been looking at how hard it is to stretch your dollar–after all, you can’t use up a 50-lb sack of flour by yourself. Now look again. You have a distinct advantage in trying to save, spend wisely and live frugally–you are single!
You do not have to negotiate the priorities of budget items, you can turn the heat down and not have your partner turn it up. You have sole control over your income.
You don’t have to deal with a partner who either doesn’t believe in saving, or insists on his favorite non-generic brand of this or that.
You have more flexibility and freedom to become just as frugal as you want, and cut back just as much as you want, than someone who is not single. You can be on the fast track in creating a sensible dollar-saving lifestyle.
Having “done that and been there” for many years, I believe that singles have specific areas where they tend to spend too much money.
The top two categories are recreation and food. While we can’t explore them completely here, let’s start with one little change that can add up to big dollars.
self help singles article continued P110 below:
Do you need to BUDGET your spending or to REDUCE DEBTS you already have, before you can start to become truly Prosperous?
Below are a selection of Prosperity and financial wellbeing self help articles:
1) Why Budget? Seven Things a Budget can do for YOU!
2) When to Begin Budgeting
3) How to Begin Budgeting
4) Finding A Budget You’ll Stick With: 9 Things to Look For
Why Budget? Seven Things a Budget can do for YOU! by Jane Chidester
A budget is the most fundamental and most effective financial management tool available to anyone–yes, anyone, whether you are earning thousands of dollars a year, or hundreds of thousands of dollars.
It is extremely important to know how much money you have to spend and where you are spending it.
Some of your “spending” might be for investments, but there is an important distinction between creating a personal budget and deciding where to invest your extra income.
A budget is the first and most important step towards maximizing the power of your money.
What is in it for you?
Just about everything. A carpenter would never start work on a new house without a blueprint. An aerospace firm would never begin construction on a new rocket booster without a detailed set of design specifications.
Yet many of us find ourselves in the circumstance of getting out on our own and making, spending, and investing money without a plan to guide us. Budgeting is about planning. And planning is crucial to produce a desired result.
What is a budget?
A budget is a money plan. With it, you can organize and control your financial resources, set and realize goals, and decide in advance how your money will work for you.
A budget can be as simple as it is powerful. The basic idea behind budgeting is to save money up front for both known and unknown expenses.
Seven Benefits of Budgeting
Know what is going on. Personal budgeting allows you to know exactly how much money you have-even down to the penny, if you so desire.
Furthermore, a budget is a self-education tool that shows you how your funds are allocated, how they are working for you, what your plans are for them, and how far along you are toward reaching your goals.
“Knowledge is power,” as the oft-quoted saying of George Eliot goes, and knowing about your money is the first step toward controlling it.
That leads us to our next benefit: control. A budget is the key to enabling you to take charge of your finances.
With a budget, you have the tools to decide what is going to happen to your hard-earned money, and when. You can control your money, instead of having your money limit what you do.
This bears repeating: you can be in control of your money, instead of letting it control you!
The third benefit is organization. Even in its simplest form, a budget divides funds into categories of expenditures and savings.
Beyond that, however, budgets can provide further organization by automatically providing records of all your monetary transactions. They can also provide the foundation for a simple filing system to organize bills, receipts, and financial statements.
The fourth benefit is communication. If you are married, have a family, or share money with anyone, having a budget that you create together is a key to resolving personal differences about money handling.
The budget is a communication tool to discuss the priorities for where your money should be spent, as well as enabling all involved parties to “run” the system.
self help singles budget article continued below:
P86 The Why, When & How of Budgets by Jane Chidester
If you have issues you would like us to find some resources for, just email us the subject and outline of the problem and we will go to work searching out some resources for you and post them on the site.
Also send us your success stories for any strategies you have used to fully live the singles life.
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