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1000+ Self Help Famous Quotes to Motivate and InspireInspiring and motivational self help Famous Quotes:
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Visit our free ebooks page to collect your copy of our free ebook, "500 Famous Quotes" along with "365 Daily Success Quotes" free ebook. HOME PAGE | Self Help Blog | Free Self Help Books 1 | Latest Self Help Articles | Famous Quotes | Self Help Jokes | Newsletter | Jim Rohn Coaching | 12 Pillars of Success | Contact Us | Disclaimer | Link Directory | Self Help Content Guide Celebrity Sex Quotes "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." "You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither." -- Steve Martin "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist." "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." "Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." "My girlfriend always laughs during sex ~ no matter what she's reading." "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it., so I said "Thyroid Problem?" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." "Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" "There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'" "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a pen*s, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but
fine up against a wall".
Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.I have
since been visited by her sister .. and now wish to withdraw
that statement.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and have the two as close together as possible.
Santa Claus has the right idea ... visit people only once a year.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
What would men be without women?
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and thenshe stops
to breathe.
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness, can be trained to do most things.
I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
nothing.It was here first.
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form
of misery.
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the
position.
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.'
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
nap.
A woman drove me to drink .. and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if
it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation... As you grow older, it will avoid you.
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But ... everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. Women's Lore 1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ... and I also know that I'm not blonde.--Dolly Parton 2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. --Erica Jong 3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours. --Rita Rudner ha ha ha aha ha ha aha..... one of my absolute favourite comediennes..... Love her one about "I'd also like to win a new car... but not if I have to pass it through my body first!!" 4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. --Rita Rudner 5. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. --Wendy Liebman 6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. --Erma Bombeck 7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. --Sue Grafton 8. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. --Roseanne Barr 9. I think -- therefore I'm single. --Lizz Winstead 10. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. --Elayne Boosler 11. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. --Maryon Pearson 12. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. --Gilda Radner 13. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. --Margaret Thatcher 14. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -- Gloria Steinem 15. Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. --Gloria Steinem 16. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. --Marie Corelli 17. "Nagging" is the repetition of unpalatable truths. --Baroness Edith-Summerskill 18. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? --Linda Ellerbee 19. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. --Zsa Zsa Gabor 20. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. --Eleanor Roosevelt
The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated. “Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.” "Worry is like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful
servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has
forgotten the gift. "I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one
country and call it - Irate. "If you are on the road to nowhere, find another road."
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. Be ready when opportunity comes...Luck is the time when preparation and
opportunity meet. Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache, carries with it the
Seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.
Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like
you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not
forget you.
History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually
encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won
because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.
I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should
burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I
would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow,
than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to
live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time. I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are. "Yard by yard, everything is hard. Inch by inch,
everything's a cinch." "Be faithful in small things because it is in them that
your strength lies." "You don't get to choose how you're going to die, or when.
You can only decide how you're going to live. Now."
Wit And Wisdom From Dogs
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
===== History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you. The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost. Nothing's beautiful from every point of view.
Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.
Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.
If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves. A man who won't die for something is not fit to live. Think? Why think! We have computers to do that for us.
Love conquers all.
If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.
Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.
The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it.
Winning is important to me, but what brings me real joy is the experience of being fully engaged in whatever I'm doing. Character develops itself in the stream of life. I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. I only ask to be free. The butterflies are free. Never mistake motion for action. When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Love gives itself; it is not bought.
The supernatural is the natural not yet understood. Work and struggle and never accept an evil that you can change.
We should be eternally vigilant against attempts to check the expression of opinions that we loathe.
Everybody likes to go their own way--to choose their own time and manner of devotion.
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
Reagan Quotes Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose." The most terrifying words in the English language are:
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help."
"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandment's would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress." "The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination."
"Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other." "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." "The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program."
"I've laid down the law, though, to everyone from now on about anything that happens: no matter what time it is, wake me, even if it's in the middle of a Cabinet meeting." "It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first." "Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." "Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." "No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.
====
You can have anything you want if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose. - Abraham Lincoln famous quote
When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life. - Greg Anderson - success quote
He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of a diplomat. - Robert Estabrook quote Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations. - George Bernard Shaw quote No army can withstand the strength of an idea whose time has come. - Victor Hugo fanus quote It is funny about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the very best you will very often get it. - W. Somerset Maugham quote When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal. -Napoleon Hill famous quote For every disciplined effort there is a multiple reward. -Jim Rohn quote I think the one lesson I have learned is that there is no substitute for paying attention. -Diane Sawyer - success quote Every man dies. Not every man truly lives. -Braveheart quote Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. -Leo Buscaglia. Motivational quote [about the past] ...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. -Rafikki to Simba in Disney's The Lion King famous quote There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. - Albert Einstein. quote Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. -Helen Keller - success quote The man who has no imagination has no wings. - Muhammad Ali famous quote The real price of everything, what everything really costs to the man who wants to acquire it, is the toil and trouble of acquiring it. - Adam Smith quote The time is always right to do what is right. - Martin Luther King, Jr quote Nothing happens unless first a dream. -Carl Sandburg famous quote When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So, what the hell, leap. - Cynthia Heimel quote I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all. - Laura Ingalls Wilder famus quote What we see depends mainly on what we look for. - John Lubbock quote You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. - Dale Carnegie famous quote We can chart our future clearly and wisely only when we know the path which has led to the present. -Adlai E. Stevenson quote Time is the wisest counsellor. -Pericles - success quote "You have powers you never dreamed of. You can do things you never thought you could do. There are no limitations in what you can do except the limitations of your own mind. -Darwin P. Kingsley
Motivational quote "Whoever renders service to many puts himself in line for greatness -- great wealth, great return, great satisfaction, great reputation, and great joy." Jim Rohn quote To succeed you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you. -Tony Dorsett famous quote Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. -Japanese Proverb
famus quote All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence. - Martin Luther King, Jr. quote "Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. It's what sunflowers do." - Helen Keller quote Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Langston Hughes - success quote As a man thinketh, so is he . - Proverbs 23:7 famous quote "Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach." -Tony Robbins Motivational quote "Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, 'What's in it for me?'" - Brian Tracy famus quote "The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands." -Robert M. Pirsig famous quote "When you take charge of your life, there is no longer a need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." -Geoffrey F. Abert quote "It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get back up." -Vince Lombardi - success quote "Be ready when opportunity comes...Luck is the time when preparation and opportunity meet." -Roy D. Chapin Jr. quote "Persistent people begin their success where others end in failure." -Edward Eggleston famus quote "History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats. -Bertie C. Forbes quote "The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible." -Arthur C. Clarke famous quote Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal. -Earl Nightingale Motivational quote Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. -Martin Luther King, Jr. - success quote "Be ready when opportunity comes...Luck is the time when preparation and opportunity meet." -Roy D. Chapin Jr. quote
"Some men give up their designs when they have almost reached the goal; While others, on the contrary, obtain a victory by exerting, at the last moment, more vigorous efforts than ever before."-Herodotus quote "The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes." - Benjamin Disraeli Motivational quote "There is great treasure there behind our skull and this is true about all of us. This little treasure has great, great powers, and I would say we only have learned a very, very small part of what it can do." - Isaac Bashevis Singer quote "You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you."- Brian Tracy quote "Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost." -Robert H. Schuller famous quote It's the constant and determined effort that breaks down all resistance and sweeps away all obstacles. - Claude M. Bristol - success quote The longest journey of any person is the journey inward. - Dag Hammerskjvld famus quote All difficult things have their origin in that which is easy, and great things in that which is small. - Lao-Tzu quote Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. -Ralph Waldo Emerson - success quote The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled. - Plutarch quote Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? -Abraham Lincoln famus quote Men always want to be a womans first love - women like to be a mans last romance. -Oscar Wilde famous quote It's not what happens to you; it's what you do about it that makes the difference. -W. Mitchell Motivational quote He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot. He that dare not is a slave. - Andrew Carnegie quote Good timber does not grow with ease. The stronger the wind the stronger the trees. -Williard Marriott famous quote All successful men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose. -Brian Tracy - success quote That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet. - Emily Dickinson Submitted by Stephen Hedrick quote Looking to the stars always makes me dream, as simply as I dream over the black dots representing towns and villages on a map. Why, I ask myself, shouldn't the shining dots of the sky be as accessible as the black dots on the map of France? - Vincent Van Gogh Submitted by Stephen Hedrick quote Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination.- John Dewey famous quote There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there. -Indira Gandhi Motivational quote Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions. -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. - success quote You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?" - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) quote If a man has talent and cannot use it, he has failed. If he has a talent and uses only half of it, he has partly failed. If he has a talent and learns somehow to use the whole of it, he has gloriously succeeded and has a satisfaction and a triumph few men ever know. - Thomas Wolfe famous quote If you want to be successful, find someone who has achieved the results you want and copy what they do and you'll achieve the same results. - Anthony Robbins Motivational quote Happiness is an attitude of mind, born of the simple determination to be happy under all outward circumstances. J. Donald Walters quote The path to success is to take massive, determined action. - Anthony Robbins famus quote To succeed... you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you.- Tony Dorsett - success quote At first, dreams seem impossible, then improbable, and eventually inevitable. --Christopher Reeve", Submitted by Mark Houck quote A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. --Sir Winston Churchill famous quote If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, he surely meant us tostick it out. - Arthur Koestler quote You don't pay the price for success. You enjoy the price for success. - Zig Ziglar Motivational quote Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. - James Dean quote Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. - Unknown famous quote Live out of your imagination, not your history. - Stephen Covey quote The people and circumstances around me do not MAKE me what I am, they REVEAL who I am. - Dr. Laura Schlessinger - success quote Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen. - John Steinbeck quote He who asks a question is a fool for a minute; he who does not remains a fool forever. - Chinese Proverb - success quote The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet. -James Oppenheim famous quote If you can dream it, you can do it. - Walt Disney quote There is only one success - to spend your life in your own way. - Christopher Morley Motivational quote To Climb Steep Hills requires slow pace at first. - William Shakespeare quote One of the greatest pieces of economic wisdom is to know what you do not know. -John Kenneth Gilbraith. famus quote -Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. -Chinese Proverb quote -If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, he surely meant us to stick it out. - Arthur Koestler famous quote -Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right. -Henry Ford quote Success is neither magical or mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying the basic fundamentals. - Jim Rohn quote Live out of your imagination, not your history. - Stephen Covey quote Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand. - Thomas Carlyle Motivational quote When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge. - Albert Einstein - success quote It's kind of fun to do the impossible. - Walt Disney quote It takes less time to do things right that to explain why you did it wrong. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow famous quote What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals -. Zig Ziglar quote A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. - Chinese Proverb famous quote To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best. -William M. Thackeray famus quote "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission" -Eleanor Roosevelt. Submitted by Mark Houck Motivational quote Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand. - Thomas Carlyle - success quote The noblest search is the search for excellence. - Lyndon B. Johnson quote For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'. - John Greenleaf Whittier quote Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain Motivational quote
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Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed. - Booker T. Washington quote When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. - Alexander Graham Bell famous quote The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. - Ann Landers - success quote A good laugh is sunshine in the house. William makepeace Thackeray quote It is funny about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the very best you will very often get it. - W. Somerset Maugham quote My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the universe, why it as it is and why it exists as all. - Stephen Hawking quote Failure is not the worst thing in the world, The very worst is not to try.- Anonymous famous quote You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. - Dale Carnegie quote Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again. - Henry Ford Motivational quote Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. -Helen Keller quote Both poverty and riches are the offspring of thought. Motivational quote Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit. - success quote Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. famous quote The best way to have what you want, is to want what you have. Motivational quote If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got quote It is not your aptitude, but your attitude, that determines your altitude. Motivational quote Of all our human resources, the most precious is the desire to improve quote It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dreams of yesterday are the hopes of today, and the realities of tomorrow. - success quote Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, though checkered with failure, than to take rank with those poor souls, who neither enjoy much or suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat. famous quote
"Yard by yard, everything is hard. Inch by inch,
everything's a cinch." "Be faithful in small things because it is in them that
your strength lies." "You don't get to choose how you're going to die, or when.
You can only decide how you're going to live. Now." "The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly." My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. (Ed Furgol) I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. (Charles Lamb) A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on. (Sam Goldwyn) Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. (Spike Milligan) What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. (Henny Youngman) There are three easy ways of losing money - racing is the quickest, women the most pleasant, and farming the most certain. (Lord Amherst) My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil. (Paul Getty) Children and Parents Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. (David Frost) Any astronomer can predict with absolute accuracy just where every star in the universe will be at 11.30 tonight. He can make no such prediction about his teenage daughter. (James T. Adams)
There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. (Bob Phillips) I never met a kid I liked. (W.C. Fields) Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. (W.C. Fields)
Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannise their teachers. (Socrates)
There are three ways to get something done; do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it. (Mona Crane) Insults Nancy Astor (to Winston Churchill): If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee! Bessie Braddock (to Winston Churchill): Winston, you're drunk. Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement. (Mark Twain) I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. (Groucho Marx) Lawyers It's not the people who are in prison worry me. It's the people who aren't. (Arthur Gore) Love, Sex, Men vs Women It's not the men in my life that counts - it's the life in my men. (Mae West) Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me. (Mae West) It's better to be looked over than overlooked. (Mae West) Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. (Mae West) It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom. (Joan Rivers) I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. (Joan Rivers) Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired. (Mae West) My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. (Les Dawson) My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. (Jack Benny) A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. (Rudyard Kipling) A man is only as old as the woman he feels. (Groucho Marx) I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine - we were both crazy about girls. (Groucho Marx) Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. (Bill Vaughan) Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. (Charlotte Whitton) The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. (Jilly Cooper) When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad. (Helen Rowland) When you see what some women marry, you realise how they must hate to work for a living. (Helen Rowland) The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform. (Alfred Kinsey) A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. (Zsa Zsa Gabor) I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back. (Zsa Zsa Gabor) You mean apart from my own. (Zsa Zsa Gabor, asked how many husbands she had had) Relations A lot of people would rather tour sewers than visit their
cousins. (Jane Howard) Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year. (Victor Borge) Science, Technology Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. (Charles D. Warner) There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics. (Benjamin Disraeli) Biologically speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female. (Desmond Morris) Social Behaviour Be awfully nice to them going up, because you're going to meet them all coming down. (Jimmy Durante) Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it. (Harry S. Truman) There is only one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says 'yes' he's not honest. (Groucho Marx) Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. (Mark Twain) A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is just putting on its shoes. (Mark Twain) When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better. (Mae West) Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. (Mae West) It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar. (Jerome K. Jerome) I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. (W.C. Fields) Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. (Mark Twain) All the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening. (Alexander Woollcott) There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way. (Hugh Leonard)
It's not what I do, but the way I do it. It's not what I say, but the way I say it. (Mae West) Another fine mess you're gotten me into. (Stan Laurel) If it ain't broke, don't fix it. (Bert Lance) Go ahead, make my day. (Clint Eastwood) When the going gets tough, the tough get going. (Joseph P. Kennedy) I'm fat, but I'm thin inside…there's a thin man inside every fat man. (George Orwell) Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. (Mark Twain) It's not true I had nothing on. I had the radio on. (Marilyn Monroe, asked if she really had nothing on in a calendar photograph) Chanel No. 5. (Marilyn Monroe, asked what she wore in bed)
A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.
"I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry." People are trapped in history and history is trapped in them. There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations. I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow. I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. Common sense is not so common. Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. GET OUR FREE QUOTES BOOK.... My favourite 500 famous quotes are collected in my new .pdf ebook to download. Just go to the Free Ebooks page and collect your copy of our free self help book.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. "Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin." "We don't know who we are until we see what we can do." "The starting point of all achievement is desire. Weak
desire brings weak results." "When you follow your bliss doors will open where you would
not have thought there would be doors; and where there
wouldn't be a door for anyone else." No man was ever wise by chance.
It is a kingly act to assist the fallen. Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
That government is best which governs least. I have never been hurt by what I have not said. Never, never, never give up. A good conscience is a continual Christmas. "In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness
that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us
happy." "Life was meant to be lived and curiosity must be kept
alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn one's
back on life." "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be
seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." "He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often,
and loved much."
Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
The value of a principle is the number of things it will explain. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier. Those who stand for nothing fall for anything. Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability
to use language that makes him the dominant species on the
planet. That may be. Being powerful is like being a lady. Passion is the mob of the man, that commits a riot upon his reason. The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.
Every charitable act is a stepping stone toward heaven. It takes a great man to be a good listener. There is nothing more likely to start disagreement among people or countries than an agreement.
There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not. Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing. There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
Take the attitude of a student. Never be too big to ask questions.
Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even
though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who
neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray
twilight
that knows not victory nor defeat.
People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that
they
can do things.
Take the attitude of a student.
Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even
though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who
neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray
twilight
that knows not victory nor defeat.
People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that
they
can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first
secret
of success.
Goodwill is the one and only asset that competition cannot undersell or
destroy.
No man is fit to command another that cannot command himself.
The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in
which it is overestimated.
We all have ability. The difference is how we use it.
Talk not of wasted affection; affection never was wasted.
I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from
him.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!" Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Whoa! That was fun!" Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up real fast.
I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
I love being married. It's great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called LABOR!
"I don't consider myself bald. I'm simply taller than my hair" - Thom Sharp "If God meant us to be naked, he would have made our skin fit better" - Maureen Murphy "It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it" - Sam Levenson "We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the internet, whe know this is not true" - Robert Wilensky
"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted" - Mae West "I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them" - Bette Midler
"Be at war with your vices; at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man." -- Benjamin Franklin
“Motivation alone is not enough. If you have an idiot and you motivate him, now you have a motivated idiot.” – Jim Rohn
When you feel terrific, notify your face.
Worry pulls tomorrow's cloud over today's bright sunshine.
"Happiness is a form of courage." -Holbrook Jackson
If God shuts one door, He opens another.
If at first you do succeed, hide your astonishment.
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.
The one thing worse than a quitter is the person who is afraid to begin.
"Man is made or unmade by himself...In the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself; he also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace. By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascends to the Divine Perfection; by the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descends below the level of the beast. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master."
There is one art of which man should be master--the art of reflection.
"Growth, in some curious way, I suspect, depends on being always in motion just a little bit, one way or another." -Norman Mailer
"Each forward step we take we leave some phantom of ourselves behind." -John Lancaster Spalding
People who look for the easy way out seem to have trouble finding an exit.
The most important ability is availability.
Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds.
School is a building that has four walls--with tomorrow inside.
"As soils are depleted, human health, vitality and intelligence go with them." -Louis Bromfield
There are many ways of going forward, but there is only one way of standing still.
There is no great success without great commitment.
Out of the mouths of babes come things parents never should have said.
Last year I made a list of things that I resolved to do--I'll use that list again this year--it's still as good as new.
Always hold your head up, but keep your nose at a friendly level.
A lot of us would like to move mountains, but few of us are willing to practice on small hills.
People are very open-minded about new things--as long as they're exactly like the old ones.
Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.
The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right.
Most of us know how to say nothing, but few of us know when.
Fear of becoming a has-been keeps some people from becoming anything.
It is better to hold out a hand than to point a finger.
Doing your best is more important than being the best.
A cheerful friend is like a sunny day.
Forgiveness is like sunshine after a rainy day.
A bad habit is nothing more than a mistake repeated.
In the eyes of a child, there are 7 million wonders of the world.
Between each dawn and setting sun, set aside some time for fun.
Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for getting old.
No person ever advanced by traveling in reverse.
All that you do, do with all your might--Things done by half are never quite right.
Years may wrinkle the skin, but lack of enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.
You can't turn back the clock--But you can wind it up again.
If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Time is not an enemy unless you try to kill it.
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If television shows continue the way they're going, the public will soon be demanding longer commercials. He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Giant oak trees started out as little nuts that held their ground.
To disagree, one doesn't have to be disagreeable.
Nature is the art of God.
A truly contented person enjoys the scenery along a detour.
We do not inherit the Earth from our ancestors--we borrow it from our children.
No brook is too little to seek the sea.
Joy is not in what we own...it's in what we are.
An obstacle may be either a stepping stone or a stumbling block.
Gentleness and kind persuasion win where force and bluster fail.
The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter.
The best thing you can spend on your children is time.
Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.
GREAT FUNNY QUOTES BY GREAT LADIES
Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong-
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)-
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber-
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin-
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow-
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck-
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome-
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-Jane Sellman-
Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton-
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen-
I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine-
When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
-Kathy Buckley-
1000+ self help famous Quotes to Motivate and Inspire everyone who likes daily famous quotes for their success and humour.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country..
-Elayne Boosler-
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson-
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem-
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
Potential/Possibilities Quotes
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar." -- Hel |
