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When you are part of a “couple” you sometimes need specific relationship self help strategies for yourself – and – your partner, to maintain the degree of Happiness you both felt at the start.

It “takes two to Tango” can also mean that you experience ‘double the trouble’ when you are trying to maintain a happy mindset, while navigating around the needs of your life partner. Just remember that:

“To the world – you may be one person – but to one person – you may be the world”

Do you ever wonder “what happened to the person I fell in love with? Who is this person?” If you do, you are not alone, especially if your partner is asking themselves that very same question about you

“The best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other”

All is not lost. Every relationship goes through its natural cycles as each of you grow and change throughout your various stages in life.

Change can also be shattering to some people when children are born or when children grow up and leave home. A relationship maintained purely ‘for the sake of the children’ will not endure unless both parties decide to make the changes that create value for each individual. It may be worth checking out the “parents” pages if some of your issues relate to the effects of children, parenting or care giving.

The job right now is to be Happy in your life, built around you right now with self help strategies for the partnership in life you now enjoy.

If you were in a prior unhappy relationship and are still ‘recovering from trauma’ with your heart in a thousand pieces, you might want to click on the ‘recovery’ navbar first.

For the rest of us, let’s get going on working out what ‘happiness’ means to you and your partner and how to achieve it here and now with our self help strategies.

Remember, being happy really is up to YOU and no one else. Your happiness cannot be based on whether or not your partner is able to ‘make you happy’.

“God designed us to be happy, but gave us the choice” Anders Rive

Your strength in life comes from fulfilling your own needs and thereby maintaining a happy disposition that enhances the relationship, not drains it.

Be a little kind to yourself. When you are feeling spiritually and emotionally undernourished, ask yourself “How can I care for you at this moment? How can I best love you? What is it you truly need?”

Treat yourself the way you would a loved one. You need to create some ‘ceremonies of pleasure’ for yourself that can nourish your deeper cravings for happiness and love.

Lifelong happiness, starting right now!

Sharing your life with someone else:

When you enter into a ‘partnership’ one of the very first things you notice is that you are no longer master of your own life. It may be that you feel restrictions placed on you to account for your every minute and to be on call and on time for things that may or may not be a high priority for you.

This can be negotiated with good communication skills. While most women love to express their feeling and concerns, most men dread the words “we need to talk” and yet are also in need of self-expression to clarify what can be confusing crossed signals for them. An exiting, passionate and trusting relationship can only ever be built on healthy self esteem and the ability to be comfortable about stating your needs and concerns.

These are both strengths that you can build in yourself and help your partner to develop.



Couples Achieving BALANCED EMOTIONS for genuine and lasting happiness in your relationship. These self help couples resources will help you to maintain a positive attitude and state of wellbeing.

Emotion Management: a happiness strategy for couples.

“You will find happiness in the exact same place you will find sadness. In your mind.” Pauline Kennedy

The highly awarded social researcher David Myers, believes there are four character traits which people who are happy tend to have.

1. Self Esteem – happy people like themselves
2. Personal Control – happy people believe they are running their own lives
3. Optimism – happy people are filled with hope.
4. Being extroverted – happy people tend to be more outgoing.

While you may not be born with those characteristics, you can certainly develop them. For a start, stop taking yourself so seriously. To make God laugh, all you have to do is tell Her your serious life plans.

Here are some strategies for managing your emotional temperature to help keep it set on “happy”.

Celebrate every happy day.

When the day flows for you, and your inner sun is shining brightly – celebrate it and congratulate yourself on making your day happy. Buy a little gift for yourself. Or give one to some one else. Make a note in your Journal, and notice how much more often you have reason to write about your happiness.

Guideline for living the simple abundance of life:

No doubt that if we lived these suggestions every day, not just thought about them, we would realize as the Nearings did, that the good life is truly here and now.

Do the best you can, whatever arises
Be at peace with yourself
Find a job you enjoy
Live in simple conditions
Contact nature every day, feel the earth under your feet
Take some physical exercise through hard work
Don’t worry, live one day at a time
Share something every day with someone else, write a note, help someone
Take time to contemplate and wonder at the world, have a laugh at life
Observe the one life in all things
Be kind to all the creatures, don’t hurt any living creature.

lifelong happiness self help strategies for couples

HA6 Create Happiness with a Positive Outlook, self help article by RE Najemy

HA28 One Thought at a Time by Jeanie Marshall


Our expectations can be so inflexible that even one small event can ruin the day for you. By maintaining an openness to changes in your plans and having back up strategies you will feel great every day.

Don’t be a perfectionist

“Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you “ Nathaniel Hawthorne

You can waste your energy and your life trying to be perfect, or create the ‘perfect’ outcome to your plans. Trying too hard, or creating an impossible to achieve set of obstacles to your happiness, guarantees you will remain discontent.

Set your target for something like eighty percent of what it would normally ‘take’ for you to feel successful, content, happy, prosperous, whatever. Yes, lower the bar if you recognize that you are setting yourself up for failure time after time.

We are naturally born happy. We have an undercurrent of happiness flowing through us at all times. Unfortunately, we suppress and divert that natural state of being, by insisting that all the ‘ducks have to be lined up in row’ for us to LET ourselves tap into that happiness, or let ourselves emotionally experience the outcome we want.

Loosen up a little, lower the bar of criteria that must be met, simplify your life and ‘must do’ to just LET some happiness seep out to bathe you in the natural joy you have in such abundance. Go on, stop and smell the roses today.

Be adaptable in your plans and expectations.

Expect that there will be delays, problems, breakdowns, late appointments, sour people. You don’t need to plan for the worst. Just make the effort to have back up plans ‘just in case’.

If you easily become aggravated or upset at delays, carry a small audiotape of motivational content, or a small book to read. Make calls on your mobile, use the time constructively to achieve something, rather than get your blood pressure up.

Allow plenty of time between appointments so that you are not constantly under pressure of a backlog. When you are early, take the time to window shop, or just sit down and take a few deep breaths and look around you for a minute. Find something beautiful to look at. If you look hard enough, you will find something.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s ALL small stuff in relation to the big picture of your lifetime.

Increase your chances of being happy by learning to love doing many things.

The more interests you have the more your chances to have to be doing things you love and enjoy on any given day. Identify the music you like to hear, books you like to read, places you love to be in or visit, people, movies, food, parks, entertainment.Identify them so that you know ‘where you are going’ when you set out each day.

If you just show up at places and events, without taking responsibility to ensure they are things you would enjoy, what do you expect – you decrease the odds of having a great time. Make a point to identify the things you already love AND then add new things to that list every month at least.

Try something new. You may not like it, but you won’t know for certain until you try them. And if you do love it, you have something new to add to your list of things you love to do, see, have, eat, hear, etc, for every day of the rest of your life. Those are the kind of odds everyone should bet on to be a winner in the life stakes.

Rest and RecuperationSleep, sleep, sleep.= Happiness.

Being deprived of sleep or constantly interrupted in sleep will result in chronic exhaustion, which is guaranteed to result in a total, debilitating EXHAUSTION.

“Turn out the light and go to sleep – the light and noise is keeping me awake”. You BOTH need to negotiate some basic consideration when it comes to bedtime expectations.

If one of you is a night owl, then they need to stay in the lounge room – and don’t have a TV in the bedroom or you are asking for trouble. Some couples arrange for a ‘romantic’ session in the bedroom first, then one goes to sleep while the other stays up to read or watch TV until they are also ready to sleep.

Expecting a person to change their natural body clock is unrealistic and more than a little unfair. Over the years you may both slowly synchronize your routines, but not from the very beginning of a relationship,

Same goes for snoring. There is not a blessed thing in the world they can do about it – or to put it another way, some of the ‘solutions’ are worse than the problem.

There are strategies such as making sure the snorer goes to bed or at least to sleep, AFTER the other person, that way you can be deep in your sleep before the crescendo of noise assaults you.

If you work different shift, say one of you works night shift, then separate bedrooms might be required. It isn’t the end of the world, it just means that you have to make more effort to arrange ‘date nights’ and keep the passion alive and well.



relationship self help for couples

Have better RELATIONSHIPS with family and friends that will support you in positive ways. Mother or Mother-in-law problems? Your Partner not as supportive of you as you need? Friends bringing grief into your life? Here are some self help strategies to bring warmth, love and respect into your relationships.


Friends, Family and Relationships

If your partner prefers a particular sport, it doesn’t mean that you must become a fan as well, or that you need to join them on the tennis court or football field. Live and let live.

Same goes for friends and family. You do not need to like all of your partners friends or family, but do not dictate that a friendship must end – or else. Making your loved one choose between you and someone that they may have known for many years before they ever met you is cruel and unnecessary. You love them the way they are now, and the way they are includes the results of the ‘influences’ of their friends.


HA1 Soul Mate – a Pain in the Neck, self help couples article by N Neta

HA4 Jealousy, self help relationship resource for couples, by RE Najemy

“Inspiring Love Quotes and ROMANCE MANUAL” free self help romance e-book

“101 Romantic Ideas” self help relationship e-book for couples needing inspiration


Your SELF IMAGE shapes the way you feel about yourself and what you expect from your life and the people around you. You do deserve the best that life has to offer you, so why not develop a genuine expectation that life will always be abundant, supportive, fun and joyful?

Self Image: you do ‘deserve’ happiness

“Your mind is the greatest home entertainment center ever created. It requires contemplative silence to really discover who you truly are. You have immense talents, resources and abilities that are untapped.” Mark Victor Hansen

How do you see yourself? Has your self Image changed now that you are part of a couple? Do you feel like you have ‘lost’ yourself somewhere along the way? Or do you feel somehow ‘incomplete’ when you are by yourself?

Do you still see yourself the same way you did 5 -10 – 20 years ago? If not, what has changed? Is the change for the better or worse? Why is it?

This page will have many new additions over the next few weeks on more in-depth assignments and resources, so keep checking on this page for updates.


HA10 The Power of Perception by Joan Marques

HA52 Self Supression, self help article by RE Najemy

HA53 Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement by RE Najemy

relationship self help for couples


Your APPEARANCE and PRESENTATION says so much about you and your expectations, both to the people around you and to yourself when you look in the mirror every day. If you ever look in the mirror and ask yourself “who is this person?” you need to check out some of these self help strategies.

Appearance, grooming & presentation as a couple

What were you wearing the last time you felt happy, and the time before that?
What was your partner wearing last time you thought s-he was a knock-out and a “joy to behold”?

There will be plenty of resources added to this spot over the next few weeks, so keep your bookmark on this page

Smile Above all remember to smile. It is always the most beautiful part of your overall appearance and presentation.


some self help strategies for your appearance, grooming and presentation as part of a couple


Develop a SENSE OF PURPOSE to your life for greater passion, joy of achievement, and contribution. Remember the last time you woke up and just jumped out of bed, rushing toward the day ahead with an attitude of anticipation and excitement? You may not feel like that EVERY single day, but these self help strategies will help to bring you more than you have been getting lately.

Sense of Purpose = Happiness

Do you have a sense of purpose to your life? Has it become blurred around the edges, or distracted by your relationship demands?

There are many tools available to help you clarify a picture of ‘something bigger than yourself’ or your relationship. This drive to fulfill your purpose will be what helps hold everything else together when the relationship is strained. Your sense of purpose simply cannot solely be to live for some one else.

You will not be enough for your partner and they will not be enough for you. A shared Vision and life goals are the ideal to work towards together, but if you each have your own goals and dreams, that will see you through. Just make sure they are not in total conflict or there will be troubles ahead. All the more reason to both workshop your life goals and dreams, to ensure that there is some alignment, at the very least and agreed support level from each other for joint effort and investment.

Sort out any differences in your Vision as soon as possible. Don’t compromise or try to live your life through some one else’s dreams. It will not fulfill you, and you will end up wondering ‘what is it all about’ when the goals are realized, yet you are still dissatisfied with your lot.

Big sister/brother programs, fostering, teaching, share your knowledge – coming soon

Keep journals of your life progress. Amaze yourself as you look back in later years about how far you have come.

Journals: keep a daily written journal of your experiences and lessons as you hurtle through life together. Makes fascinating reading in future years, and can become your legacy for your children in the future.

Research and write your Family History. Publish it yourself on your computer and distribute it to family members at gift giving times. Realize that someday your grandchildren will be reading about their ‘grandparents’ in the journey through life together.

“To be able to enjoy one’s past life is to live twice” Martial


HA7 Finding our Life Purpose by RE Najemy


relationship self help for couples

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Your RECREATION activities are what charge your batteries when you take time off to do the things you really enjoy. When did you last have fun? Have you developed a Hobby that you truly love, that allows your creative energy to flow and makes you feel happy every minute that you are engrossed in it? How was your last Holiday? These self help suggestions will help to get the ideas flowing for more fun in your time off.

Couples on Holidays and shared or solo Recreation ‘time off’

“There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second” Logan Pearsall Smith

Going your separate way for holidays can be a good ‘holiday from each other’ as well. In the case of parents, each may take turns at minding the kids while the other one has a chance to get away in peace and quiet.

Remember that ‘distance can make the heart grow fonder’ in a good relationship.

If you are fortunate enough to both like the same holiday activities and destinations, then go for it. However, if one adores camping while the other considers the ‘Hilton Hotel’ the nearest they want to roughing it up, there will be problems. ONE of you will not enjoy themselves. Sacrificing yourself during your holiday is not going to recharge or refresh you, more likely to result in simmering resentment from feeling your needs are not being respected or met.

Most importantly, relax and enjoy your recreation and holiday time. Be creative in your ‘playtime’ and you will soon get creative in your approach to everything else in your life – and be Happy doing it.


some Couples self help ideas for Holiday Happiness


ON THE JOB: Enjoy yourself AT WORK so that you are happier in all areas of your life We spend so much time at work, whether it be at home or in a business, that what happen during those hours will impact on our view of our whole day, life and the world in general. We need to develop skills in overcoming obstacles that we will inevitably encounter every day so that we can still enjoy the rest of our lives.

If your partner feels that you spend too much of your time and attention focused on your “work” life…. the relationship is headed for trouble.

“One never notices what has been done
one can only see what remains to be done”

Working together??

Working late affecting the relationship?

Split shifts – never get to see each other??

Stay at home “Homemaker” while your partner works??


HA34 Four Reasons why we Procrastinate by Carol Halsey


PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT: SCHOOL & STUDY, strategies for a happier time while learning.

Negotiation skills for relationships – coming

Communication skills for relationships – coming


“365 Daily Success Quotes” motivational self help quotes ebook to have and share


GOAL SETTING and ACTION PLANS and CHECKLISTS and SELF GROWTH BOOKS Yes, at some point you need to do more than just read these self help strategies, you need to develop and define your goals and get yourself into action. The sheer Joy of Accomplishment is well worth the effort.


Top Ten Steps to Pursuing Your Dreams in the New YearBy Donna P. Lendzyk

Many people are not very successful in pursuing their dreams or with New Year’s Resolutions while other people seem to easily achieve whatever they choose to pursue. The question for each of us is “How can I make it happen for me?”

1. Recognize & Celebrate Your Successes Of This Past Year
Take your time, sit back & reflect on the last 12 months on what are your achievements & write them down. Include items like “I watched less television” or “I was less bothered by …” etc. Then once you have your list, take some time to show your pleasure & pride with your successes. You deserve it. We often take our successes for granted & yet this is a key step in having confidence to take on new challenges. Pick an activity or a way to celebrate that is right for you.

2. Identify Your Dreams For This Upcoming Year
Create 3-6 specific & short statements that identify what you really want. Then reflect & write down 2-4 sentences on what it will be like when you have achieved each of these goals. Be as descriptive as you can. Put this information somewhere you can pull out readily throughout your day.

3. Identify Your Key Steps You Will Take In The Next 3 Months That Will Move You Towards Your Dreams
You may prefer more broad strategic statements or you may prefer very specific tasks — either way is fine — select the approach that is right for you. Check that the steps you have selected are doable during this timeframe.

4. Commit To Yourself Daily That These Key Steps Are Your Priorities For Change During This Time
Other opportunities will come your way & you will need to choose if you will be distracted or not. You may want to review the material you prepared for item #2 on a daily basis to remind yourself why these key steps are so important for you.

5. Secure The Support That You Need To Be Successful
We can be a lot more successful if we share our desires with someone we trust. This could be your friend, family member or a personal development coach. You may want more than one person’s support. You may also need some tools to help you out like a daily reminder in your day timer or calendar.

6. Action Your Key Steps
This is the most important step of all. Take that first step — it’s amazing how much enthusiasm & confidence you have for other items once you have a win or two.

7. Track Your Progress On A Regular Basis
This may be on a daily, weekly or monthly basis — you choose what’s right for you. The key here is to keep track of you wins & look at your next ones to take. This aids in momentum.

8. Keep Your Cool — Remember That Life Still Goes On
At times, you may get overwhelmed with all you want to get done & that you may simply not have sufficient time in your day for everything. Be kind to yourself. I hear “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. You may also need to reduce or eliminate something temporarily or permanently that takes a lot of your time but is less important than your key steps. You may need to reduce the number of key steps you take at this time.

9. Celebrate Your Successes
It is really important that you celebrate your successes. It may be through writing yourself a congratulations letter with full details of what the accomplishments were & how you feel about it. Or it could be taking a nice, quiet bath where you pamper yourself. Choose to celebrate in a way that you will appreciate.

10. Repeat
If you have chosen some big goals / dreams, you may not have them fully realized in the first 3 months, so you will need to repeat steps 3-9.

(c) 2002 Donna P. LendzykDonna P. Lendzyk is a professional coach and creator of the Overcome Overwhelm System. She coaches businesswomen to “Overcome Overwhelm and Achieve Their Desired Results.” She is the author of the multi-media “Overcome Overwhelm eProgram.” To learn more about her eprogram and sign up for more FREE tips like these, visit her website at

relationship self help for couples


Have a Laugh now and then.

Develop your sense of Humor. Be ‘cheerful’ in your disposition. Everyone around you will treat you much nicer, and really enjoy being around you.

Develop a Joke file. Good clean, non discriminatory, classics can be found in good Joke Books. Or write down the jokes you hear. Make a point of swapping jokes every week with colleagues. You only need one joke per week to swap for 5 10 new ones, to quickly develop your material. Remember the saying “We will laugh about this one day” – try laughing about it now.

The Cohen’s were shown into the dentist’s office, where Mr. Cohen made it clear he was in a big hurry.
“No fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.”
“I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you” said the dentist admiringly. “Now which tooth is it?”
Mr. Cohen turned to his wife, Jenny. “Show him your tooth, honey.”

This is a simple collection of jokes to start with – plus an article on How to Tell Jokes.


Jokes to help you get started and self help suggestions for How to tell Jokes

Healthy Body & Mind

relationship self help for couples

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Health of the body means being well both physically and environmentally. People who are healthy tend to bounce out of bed each day refreshed from a good night’s sleep and eager to be about the challenges of the day ahead.

Not only do they have high levels of energy, they also tend to be happier, more successful, and have fuller and deeper relationships with their spouses, partners, families, friends, and co-workers.

They also enjoy and are in harmony with their environment, both at home and at work.

From the perspective of holistic medicine, achieving this optimum state of physical health is largely due to an ongoing commitment to three factors: Diet and Nutrition, Exercise, and Environmental Awareness (safeguarding against toxins and allergenic substances at home and work, including hidden allergies that can sap energy).

Becoming familiar with these factors and following the guidelines below will help you improve your health and increase your resistance to disease.

HE75 A Self-Care Guide to Holistic Health, self help book by Larry Trivieri, Jr.

HE 68 Obesity and Sex by Chet Day

Prosperity resources

Couples and Money Habits:

Numerous studies have cited money differences as a major cause for divorce. Money has an interesting effect on a marriage. It can lead to some serious problems.

But, if a couple talks out the issues and works together, money can actually help a marriage grow stronger by blending the two singles into one married whole.

You see, each of us has a ‘money personality’. It begins to form when we’re children. We watch our parents handle adversity or plenty.

We develop habits of how we handle our allowance or earnings from part time jobs. By the time we’re ready for marriage our patterns are pretty well set.

Now we meet the mate of our dreams! We talk about love, careers, children and trips we’d like to take. We even get a feel for whether our Significant Other is a saver or a spendthrift. But, we probably don’t talk about how much we spend on groceries.

The result is a split financial personality. One of you researches a $50 purchase for weeks. The other will make the same purchase in a New York minute.

read on in self help article P115 below:

P115 Marriage and the Single Budget by Gary Foreman

P107 Common Financial Mistakes of Newlyweds by Megan Franks

P108 Until Debt Do Us Part by Damon Carr

P102 Avoiding Irreconcilable Differences by Cindy Snyder

Have More Money:

What do the couples who are financially harmonious know? Three things: (1) They must talk about it, (2) It is important for both partners to participate and understand, and (3) A good budget is a tool to help them be organized and efficient

P104 Couples and Money by Jane Chidester


P106 The Early Years for Couples and Budgets

P103 Couples with Opposite Money Styles by Jane Chidester

P93 Our Budget Does not Work by Gary Foreman

P101 Pre-planning and Dealing with Finances and Funeral costs after the death of a loved one

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