Happiness self help resource43

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DO YOU FEEL WORTHY?, self help article by Dolores G. Wix

Self Help article:

One of the things that can prevent you from reaching your potential is not feeling worthy. Feelings of worthlessness can result from things such as growing up in a dysfunctional home, childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse, losing a job, maltreatment received from society, and rejection, just to name a few. If you have feelings of unworthiness, and I think we all do from time to time, it is important that you work to overcome them. Why? Because without feeling worthy, it is nearly impossible to reach your goals or your full potential. Let me just clarify that if you do reach your goals and still don’t feel worthy, you will engage in self-destructive behaviour. Just look at some of the lives of Hollywood stars.

I have struggled with feelings of worthlessness foremost of my life. One of the things that contributed to those feelings was not having a college degree. I considered myself intelligent and I was a hard worker, but without a degree there were jobs I just couldn’t get. Let me share one experience with you.

Back in the mid-80’s I worked for a well-known research and development company. I worked in the Receiving Department. All the materials and supplies that were ordered had to first come through our department. A job opening became available in our department. I was already doing the work so naturally I assumed I would get the job. Wrong! They brought in a woman from the outside with incredible credentials. My boss, Mr. McNabb, felt bad about it. If it had been up to him, he would have given me the position in a heartbeat.

The new woman started but apparently did not fully understand her job duties because her work was not done correctly. When Mr. McNabb asked her why she didn’t ask for clarification if she didn’t understand she said, “I have my pride.” (Her exact words, I kid you not!) Since things had to go out in a timely manner, guess who they turned to in order to get caught up? That’s right, yours truly! I helped out and later Mr. McNabb approached me and suggested quite strongly that I go to his boss and ask for a raise.

At first I was reluctant because I knew what the answer would be. But that wasn’t the point. I reflected on the message that the department had given me: that I wasn’t good enough to have the job. Yet, I was more than capable of doing the job and proved it by getting them out of the jam. Realizing that helped me find the courage to go upstairs to Mr. McNabb’s boss’ office and ask for a raise. He said no and it would be eight months before I got one. But Mr. McNabb went to his boss and told him that what they did to me was wrong and to go ahead and give me the raise. And I got it! My feelings of worthiness shot up immediately.

So, how do you overcome feelings of worthlessness?
Let me share 3 things that have helped me tremendously.

*Affirmations: If you are told over and over by yourself or others that you’re worthless and no good, you start to believe it. It’s reasonable to conclude that it works the opposite way as well. If you tell yourself or others tell you that you are a worthy person over and over, then you will start to believe that also. A lot of us got negative programming from our families, teachers, etc. And we’ve started to believe it. But it’s not too late. Sometimes the only nurturing we receive is from ourselves.

Affirmations are short, simple statements “that proclaim a fact in no uncertain terms,” according to Mark Towers, author of “Self-Esteem: The Power to Be Your Best.” Affirmations should be clear, concise, positive and in the present tense (“I am…” instead of “I will…”). Don’t underestimate the power of affirmations because of their simplicity. Affirmations are one of the most effective techniques I have used to bring about positive changes in my life.

One of the affirmations I used was “I am a worthy person.” I wrote it on a 3 x 5 index card and read it or said it aloud or silently every chance I got, morning, noon and night and all the times in between. Other good ones are “I deserve the best that life has to offer.” “I deserve to have good things in my life.”

The affirmations may sound awkward at first. You may not believe what you’re saying at first, but don’t give up! Use them consistently. Keep saying them until they sink down deeply into your subconscious.

*Remember the scene in the miniseries “Roots” where Kunta Kinte holds his baby daughter up toward the sky and says, “Behold the only thing greater than yourself”? Well, I’m not going to attempt to hold you up like the baby! But I do want you to remember that the Creator and his heavenly creations are the only things greater than you. Every human on the planet is imperfect and going to die some day. No amount of money, education, or status is going to change that. And that puts us all on the same level. Now, I know there are people out there who don’t see it that way, but that’s how I see it. You are an individual who is special and unique. You are just as important as anybody else. You are capable of achieving great things if you choose to do so.

*Face your fears by taking action. Even though I have spent years working on feeling worthy, I still have a problem with it. When I found out that one of the sane ways to build traffic for an Internet business is to write articles and submit them to article banks, my unworthy feelings kicked in and I ran the other way. I didn’t feel that my writing was good enough. What if nobody wants to publish my articles? I did almost every insane thing to get traffic in order to keep from facing my fear. I submitted my web site to classified ads, FFA pages, and bulletin boards. Nothing worked. I had to face the inevitable. And you know what? I finally concluded that whether my articles are ever published by anyone else is irrelevant. The important thing was to face these feelings head-on and do it. So, I wrote articles and put them out there. And because I did it, I am transformed forever, just like when I asked for the raise.

I will not insult your intelligence by telling you that it’s easy and all you have to do is “believe.” I wish it were that simple. But if you consistently work at it, one day your feelings of worthlessness will be gone forever.


Copyright 2002 Dolores G. Wix

Dolores G. Wix is the author of “How to Survive and Thrive After a Layoff” available at Amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com.



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