Self Help Guide for Keeping Your Relationship on Track
Being part of a couple, or a ‘partnership’ is wonderful and most people dream of one day having a loving and stable relationship. But they don’t come with a self help guide to stop your relationship totally de-railing itself from simple mistakes.
Your partner isn’t the only one whose clueless behavior can trip up your love connection. While you women may be vigilant about the stuff you care about, you also have a way of letting the stuff that bugs him slide. And that hits him harder than you think. The little things can add up.
Some behaviors can drive a wedge between you two and possibly lead to a split if they remain unchecked. You can actually avoid these mindless mistakes that seep into your relationship and create cracks, even craters, in your bond.
First, give him some time to tweak his ways. You’ve heard over and over that if you want him to make you happy, speak up! It takes at least three weeks for a new habit to kick in. Your partner needs to mentally reconstruct his behavior, and that in itself is already hard to do.
Whenever he comes close to doing what you’ve asked, show him that you appreciate his effort. If he does something mostly right and you complain about what he did wrong, he’ll feel defeated. But if you praise him for that 90 percent he nailed, he’ll feel appreciated and motivated to do better next time.
Also, don’t let bad mood run amok. Some days, you head home and dump your work stress right into your partner, and that’s just selfish. Venting is fine, but don’t lash out.
If you know your mood is so foul that his very suggestion will be shot down, give the dude a warning. Tell him you want support, not solutions.
Or say that you may need some time alone to cool your head. You can spill the day’s details when you get your sense of humor back.
Respect each other’s space. In the same note, show the same value for each other’s things. Remember that what’s his is his. Pilfering his old shirts to wear to bed is all good.
But when you assume that sharing rent gives you the right to borrow his stuff without asking (or to read through his mail), then you’ve crossed lines. You may as well call yourself rude and inconsiderate.
There are no assumptions in emotionally intelligent relationships, only bilateral agreements. If he hasn’t clearly stated that you can take something anytime, don’t.
Every couple should have a discussion about the things you prefer to keep private. And don’t always take his NO as a sign that he’s hiding something. It all boils down to maintaining a sense of autonomy in a committed relationship, which is essential to long-term love.
Ribbing every so often may be fun, and he can take it up to a point. Every time you talk smack about something he treasures, it’s like saying that you don’t like him as he is. And although he may not react outwardly, his feelings could be hurt.
This is when men tend to withdraw and are more attracted to people who do accept them. Try to stop the teasing and see how much of the mean stuff you tend to unleash and begin training yourself to stop.
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