“STOP! how to make them stop misbehaving”
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If your children are nagging to do something or want something they know they are not supposed to have, then a firm and disengaging no is the answer here.
On the other hand though, if your child is already doing something they shouldn’t, getting them to stop is another story.
A lot of parents have relied on the use of threats and punishments.
It is here that we as parents have an extra power whether the children like it or not.
You see, as our children grow with us, they form a special loving bond with us, and that in itself gives us half or more of the steering controls of a child’s mind.
If you look at it, this love attachment children and parents have is very strong. Say your child is playing in a puddle of water and mud, thoroughly enjoying themselves, but the moment you walk around the corner and your child sees the look upon your face, they immediately know they are doing wrong.
It’s as though the parent sits right along side the child like a co-pilot. We have enormous control over how a child feels.
Say you are angry with your child, you have the control to make your child feel bad and it makes you want to stop being angry with them, or if a parent emotionally distances themselves from their children, the children wants the parent back.
I’m sure when you were young or have heard children say to their parents “I don’t care.” But in reality children do care, and they can’t help it. A lot of parents just don’t comprehend how much power they have over their children.
Ever since the dark ages punishment has been the most widely used form of power over children but these days, we have a lot more understanding of how things work in general, especially children.
Parents have a lot more mental power than punishment, if they stop and think deep within themselves.
Silence is probably one of the more powerful tools for parents, children absolutely hate it when disapproval is known and the parent goes into a silent state.
The child will not know if there is to be punishment handed down or even if the parent is still mad at them.
It is a very real power parents have over children, the trick is to pick and choose when this method is to be used, as overuse will lessen the effectiveness of it.
Stopping Them While They Are Young…
When your child is young, around two years of age, and you want them to stop pulling the dogs ears for example, you need to physically intervene and make them stop.
words alone are not strong enough. Sure, they may stop for a short time but, they will be back soon to have another go, and we can only hope the dog is patient.
With young children, the fact that you went and took your child off the dog and put him in his room to play, says more than any words alone ever can.
Physical intervention is your number one control for this age, you also need to have something to say about their behavior as well.
If you find yourself telling your child to stop doing something three or four times, the fact they are still doing what you’re telling them not to. Is actually your fault not your child’s.If your child doesn’t stop, either act immediately or do nothing at all.
You need to make a decision about whether or not what they are doing is really that bad and if you are going to follow through with stopping them, before you say anything more than “STOP That”
If for example your child’s safety is at risk, it becomes a whole new ball game. Parents cant rely on their words much at all, if you do, you are relying on your youthful child’s obedience to keep them safe when it is your job, the parent, to keep your child safe enough so no serious harm comes to them.
Once They Are Older…
The older your children get, the less you should need to use physical intervention. Not only do they get older , they become faster, stronger and bigger.
It’s a little bit like them teasing the parent as they are quite possibly fast enough to run away to avoid being hit or in some cases strong enough to stop you taking the ball they keep bouncing on their bedroom wall while you are on the phone.
Getting involved in a power struggle is not recommended at this age for a few reasons. Your child is smart enough to know you are stronger than them but will often put this to the test.
Not to mention your patience as well. Here is a tip for parents to use on the older children. Use them as follows.
1. I am here.
2. I am waiting.
3. I am not enjoying the wait.
4. Neither of us are going anywhere until you do as I have asked.
With almost certainty your child will come around to your way of thinking. There will be some small backchat as per usual but it won’t be worth worrying too much about.
It will normally involve self defense remarks like “I wasn’t hurting you was I?” and then something like “You always boss me around.”
Once your child has done as asked, don’t say to them “why is it when I ask you to do anything you have to disobey me and give me cheek.
Asking these sorts of questions is bound to open up new arguments. The best and simple thing to say is “Thank you”.
Article contributed by Theresea Hughes, creator of
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