“A little about kids and fighting”
Free self help books toddlers activity & Parent Child Development guide parenting article about Fighting
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From the dawn of time, young cubs, young tigers and young humans have enjoyed fighting.
Within the animal world it is all about fitness, building skills, muscle, improving to the point of precision in the name of survival.
In children it is more so to obtain rank among siblings and then the rest of society.
This inner habit can certainly cause a bit of unrest between family members, not to mention the parents and how they deal with their children at war.
The fine-tuned art of fighting with siblings is really only beginning at toddler age, but never really gets out of hand.
Once school age is reached, both parties are more like trained combat troops competing at who can get under who’s skin the quickest, while the parents are at wits end trying to control the situation.
Fighting normally happens when children are tired or bored, and there is nothing much else to do, but to start a fight to break the boredom and get the parents attention.
The majority of fighting among toddlers is a combined effort of fishing with the right bait and when they have one hooked, see how long they can reel them in before changing bait again.
Other children have the ability to control like a dragnet, and catch everyone and do the same, almost to the point of being able to start a fight in an empty room.
The sly plotter will sit and wait, for example, on the couch and when the unsuspecting sister strolls by, at the last minute a quick foot is deployed, and down she goes, mission one complete.
Never mind the poor family cat that the brother has sitting on his lap asleep, when a blown up bag is popped close by.
These little antics are all part of the pre-fight warm-up.
Some children get bullied a lot and nine times out of ten, they are the passive quiet children with the long fuse.
On the other hand we have the quiet child with a short fuse who reacts quickly when provoked and usually will do their block and hit to hurt, even though, this child won’t mean to hurt but wants the torment to stop and this seems to be the quickest and easiest way to make it happen.
As much as this child didn’t mean to injure the other child, he will now be tagged as the aggressive type.
Some children, just like their parents don’t stop winning and winging, even about things nobody has any control over.
A prime example, of some injustice from a six year old is, how come she gets to stay up later, being a twelve year old she is allowed to stay up a little later.
We can never stop the fighting completely, but we must minimize it where possible.
In saying that, we should really only intervene when the war becomes full scale, we need to stay out of it until this stage.
Children will sort out order of rank, whether we stick our noses in or not.
Remain aware of the situation so if it sounds like it’s getting out of hand, take your children and do the fair thing by separating the two in different rooms to one another, giving them time to cool down. Five minutes or so is a reasonable amount of time.
Then explain why we can’t dismember our brother or sister and what the consequences are for doing so, Let them know the correct course of action you expect from them in the future.
The biggest thing that usually starts fights even in adults is the green-eyed monster, jealousy, followed closely by tension and insecurity.
This is normally associated with older children around school age; you will find usually the school bully or the classroom clown will have been branded these names for an underlying reason not apparent to many.
These children usually have social learning or concentration problems, not that they are just bad children.
These children find it more difficult to compete with those of the grade and become tense, stressed and nervous, they then behave in a protective manner being the classroom clown or the schoolyard bully as the front page of who they really are.
Article contributed by Theresea Hughes, creator of
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