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I believe that a low sense of self-worth is a major problem plaguing most people today. It often underlies many other problems we face.
Without a healthy sense of oneself, we feel unworthy of respect and of good things in our life.
Our society has often taught us to value others and to devalue ourselves. Yet this doesn’t work for the betterment of all society.
Unless we truly value ourselves, we’re always looking to others for our sense of value or approval. Consequently, this usually entails trying to manipulate them into “loving” us in some way in order for us to gain a sense of self-appreciation.
Manipulation and control are always detrimental to relationships. And needing the approval of others always leaves our self-worth in someone else’s hands.
I, too, had felt the sting of putting others before self, to the denial and negation of a healthy self-respect and self-appreciation.
I, too, looked to others for approval, for the first 50 years of my life. I knew the struggle of seeking to find an appropriate sense of oneself, whether or not one had the approval of others.
The thing that turned it around for me was simply accepting, with child-like faith, the belief that I am loved and have value in this world, simply because I exist!
From my historical religious perspective, it was a matter of my accepting “God’s view of me” rather than the world’s view of me.
I simply accepted the belief that I have value, as do all people, because I am part of God’s creation, created by Him/Her, as an extension of that Goodness.
Nothing I’ve ever done has earned it; nothing I’ve ever done has lost it; and nothing I’ve ever failed to do has lost it.
It’s simply that I have worth because I’m a part of that which is intrinsically and inherently Good, as we all are. Period.
I’d assented to that belief intellectually for some years, but knowing something intellectually and knowing it experientially aren’t the same thing.
I now feel my worth within, whether or not anyone else on the planet validates my worth by their appreciation of me.
I appreciate others’ appreciation of me, but I don’t depend on it, for no one else can know me as I know me.
And if they’re not appreciating me, it may simply be because they aren’t appreciating themselves either, so they can’t see beyond their own pain.
Put simply, a person’s worth doesn’t depend on anyone else’s approval but God’s.
Once I began to get my sense of worth from within rather than trying to get others to value me from without, I was able to let everybody else “off the hook”.
Nobody else had to “value me” in order for me to feel my own worth. This gives me the freedom to allow people to be just as they are, whether or not they include me.
And it gives me the freedom to love others, whether or not they return that love. In my opinion, unconditional love doesn’t have to be returned; it only has to be given, because giving is its nature.
This said, my only advice to anyone would be to simply decide you have value by accepting that belief for yourself. That’s really why we want others’ approval—to convince ourselves of our worth.
But our worth is a given; only our unbelief keeps us from accepting it.
You can never do enough to please everybody. So please yourself and let those who are attracted to what you are be attracted to you.
As you become willing to release the compulsion to need validation from others, you can begin to give of yourself in a way that others will more likely value you.
You don’t have to try to be any specific “something” somebody else would want. Just plain “goodness” is attractive to most people.
The problem with trying to “win” others’ approval is that we don’t have our own approval in that situation. And since others reflect back to us what we believe about ourselves, they will reflect back unapproval.
Most people don’t act; they react. So they don’t “act” toward you; they “react” to you.
When you begin to value you, others will feel that value and respond accordingly.
As long as your happiness depends on something outside of yourself, your happiness is in someone else’s hands.
And you can’t control that. I’ve learned that I can give myself happiness by simply doing it, by loving myself as purely and innocently as I would love any other human being, for I am “another human being” to others.
You have value, whether or not anyone else acknowledges it.
You are worthwhile, whether or not anyone else says so. And as you begin to live from that perspective, you will begin to radiate a sense of well-being that others will like and want to be around.
You don’t have to try to be something they will like. Your own unique version of “goodness” will be sufficient. People will still have preferences and may prefer someone else over you.
But they will have a greater sense of appreciation for you as you express a greater appreciation for yourself. Most importantly, you will appreciate you and more easily appreciate others.
I wish I could tell you specifically what you have to do to achieve this, but I can’t. It’s simply a belief that you adopt. And a belief (any belief) is simply a thought that you think, over and over, until you come to adopt it, whether or not it is true.
We have many beliefs that aren’t “true”, but because we believe them, they become true in our experience of life. But your worth is one that, I believe, is unquestionably true.
You only need to accept it as true for yourself to begin reaping the benefits of it.
Your own eternal self knows that all is well, even if your intellect isn’t yet convinced of that. But you can retrain your intellect by simply changing your mind.
That’s how your intellect got every belief it has now—you accepted something long enough that you came to believe it!
You’re OK. You have value.
As YOU begin to live from your worth, and not from a sense of lack of worth, you will radiate that worth to others, who, like you previously, are also looking for their sense of worth.
As you know your own worth, you also know their worth.
Give yourself permission to value yourself, despite the teachings of our society to the contrary. Jesus said it eloquently when he said, “Love your neighbor AS you love yourself.”
Loving ourselves is the measure by which we should love others. Funny how our society has gotten that one backward! In truth, you cannot love others until you begin to love yourself.
I’ve learned that I can be a “lover” simply by loving, whether or not anyone else “loves me back”.
I am “in love” whether or not a specific person “loves me back”. I am a lover, period.
And a lover loves! And as I love, I get to feel the wonder of that love flowing through me.
When water flows through a pipe, the pipe gets wet, too! I’ve learned that as I focus on giving, rather than receiving, I too receive from the act of giving.
You have value. But you must claim your value.
When you look to others to validate it, you are, in that moment, not claiming it for yourself.
So others have a harder time of claiming it for you, since most of them don’t claim it for themselves either.
Enough of this. You are loved.
Charles David Heineke, 1998 Spread the word. Please copy freely. Visit Charles’ website, “My Little Doorway to Heaven”
Helping Those At-RiskThe DoorWay is dedicated to helping those in at-risk situations. The DoorWay seeks to accomplish this by focusing on four primary areas: prevention, education and communication, crisis intervention, and recovery. To learn more about any of these areas and The DoorWay’s programs which address them, go to http://www.doorway.org
The new Epidemic: Anxiety, Panic & Depression
Author: Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, SRN, CPH
Clinical Medical Hypnotist
President & Program Designer
Sarasota Medical & Sports Hypnosis Institute
The number of people suffering from panic, anxiety, agoraphobia, and the like has reached more than epidemic proportions.
If we add to this number, those people suffering additional anxiety due to a specific disease process such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, circulatory disturbances, and pain-related disorders such as arthritis, fibromyalgia, & the like, one wonders if anyone is left anxiety-free.
The anxiety/panic epidemic is not just a national problem, but one of international proportion. The large majority of those suffering with these disorders are holding full-time jobs, many at Executive and managerial levels and are experiencing a relatively high degree of workplace stress.
Many are taking medications of some sort, from tranquillizers to anti-depressants and sleeping pills. Others are addicted to other substances including alcohol, cigarettes, sugar, and drugs, both legal and illegal.
Most people with anxiety/panic disorder have very similar complaints from free floating anxiety to full-blown anxiety attacks, making them prisoners of their own lives.
Many complain of poor concentration and memory recall, and tend to be absent from work quite frequently, and few can remember the last time they felt well, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Managing anxiety and panic is like anything else. There are many facets to be considered, and once these are defined, a workable program needs to be put in place, and then worked on with persistence!
Holistic Key #1: Food Stress
Most people pay very little attention to what they put into their bodies in the form of food or drink, or the combination thereof. In fact, most bodies don’t know what to expect. Sometimes they get breakfast, sometimes they don’t.
Many days they are loaded with junk, and other days they’re put on some sort of a diet. Now, I can hear the yelps….”I eat low-fat.” “I never snack between meals.” “I count my calories very closely.”
For many people this is true, but even for those who follow some sort of regime, research shows we still may be eating incorrectly for our own body needs. 75% of the population carry a gene known as Profactor H, or the caveman gene.
This hereditary factor guides the way our body responds to certain foods, especially high carbohydrate foods. by over producing the hormone insulin. Insulin is a fat-storer, and we either over produce this hormone or build a resistance to it, our bodies store our intake as fat, even if we are eating a low fat diet.
In reality, if a diet is too low-fat,the body will actually store even more. If we have a tendency towards this Profactor, we need to be careful about which carbohydrate foods we chose, how often we eat them, and the amounts at each meal.
We need to be aware of the balance between our intake of protein, fat and carbohydrates. Once the balance is in place the body can start burning fat,which is the ideal biochemical state. This holds true even if a person is not over-weight, as is sometimes the case in panic and anxiety disorders.
It is also important to note that Profactor H is the underlying link to the major killers; heart disease, adult onset diabetes, atherosclerosis, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, certain cancers including breast, ovarian and uterine, and is a link to smoking and yo-yo weight gain.
People with a tendency to Profactor H, or hyperinsulinemia have a particular personality profile which includes anxiety, panic, agoraphobia, emotional instability, depression, PMS, and many other uncomfortable body feelings. Many turn to cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol to try to calm this feeling that they describe as “stress.”
This feeling is actually a drop in blood sugar, or what is known as food-induced hyperinsulinemia. For people with an active” body symptom policing system” in place, this blood sugar drop is very frightening.
The body answers this hypoglycemic response with an outpouring of other stress hormones including adrenalin and cortisol, among others.
These neurological stimulators increase the already present body sensations, and fear sets in. This frightening cycle intensifies, and many choose to completely alter their lives in a sad attempt to manage this biochemical reaction.
Once one learns to manage food-induced hyperinsulinemia, the body sensations are reduced greatly. The next step is to understand how to reinterpret the sensations, so they can actually work for the individual, instead of hindering his progress.
INTERACTIVE SELF-HYPNOSIS: Working with Body Sensations, Thoughts and Emotions
The body communicates with us through our body feelings or sensations. Whenever we feel tension, that is an attempt of the body to let us know it is under physical stress. Most of us never pay any attention to this body communication, especially on low levels.
We do pay lots of attention once the sensations begin screaming at us, such as neck spasms, backache, indigestion, heart palpitations, dizziness, headaches, to name a few.
By this time the stress chemicals in the body are very high, and seriously interfering with our ability to function on all levels. We can learn to manage this by learning various techniques which retrain the brain to release the stress chemicals on low levels subconsciously.
“Interactive Hypnosis” is a variety of techniques which put the individual in charge of managing his own body chemistry. When we teach our brain to be aware and release low stressors, we do not need to be alerted.
The brain becomes an excellent employee, doing it’s job for us. We can also train the brain to notice and release negative chemical producing thoughts and emotions which appear and which are not currently needed for our functioning.
These techniques are very powerful, and allows the mind to clear itself and be available for the work at hand. These tools have been utilized by top athletes, executives, and thoseinterested in accelerated learning.
Most people suffering from anxiety, panic, depression, sleep disorders, poor concentration, memory, and pain, have what is known as “run away brain syndrome.” The mind is continuously running all by itself with no guidance or direction.
This is very stress-chemical producing, and a person in this state has little chance of moving towards a worthwhile goal. They are basically caught in the stress cycle which is self-fulfilling. To make matters worse, the brain sees this “syndrome” as the goal, and works hard to keep it going.
Anyone can learn self-hypnosis, as it is a natural process. When one learns to relax very deeply utilizing special techniques, and then introduces personalized metaphors, the subconscious mind accepts these as real. “Interactive Self-Hypnosis” utilizes sensory imaging techniques to move one past obstacles or the perceived problem, and on to greener pastures.
These techniques are health producing, as the body works to manufacture healing chemicals when the person places himself in this state. These chemicals actually boost the immune system, and work to reverse or control an active disease process.
We know that 60-90% of disease processes are stress related. By learning to manage anxiety and panic holistically, you have the power to move your mind/body from an illness mode to one of high level health So, we could say that 60-90% of your health outcomes are up to you!
Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, SRN, CPH is a Clinical Medical Hypnotist, President & Program Designer for Sarasota Medical & Sports Hypnosis Institute located in Sarasota, FL & online at http://www.hypnosis-audio.com & http://www.sugar-addiction.com. She specializes in stress, anxiety & panic issues, as well as high level performance & the food-connection to mind function. She welcomes you to her interactive websites & will answer questions personally.
Learning powerful stress management techniques to relax and reduce stress in your life is crucial for maintaining a healthy body and mind. These stress management tips will help you to achieve a state of balance to live a better and happier life.
Visit us to get your self help “How to Break Free From A Stressful Life: Stress Management Relief for at Home & at Work” Stress Relief Tips ebook download today.
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