In a perfect world, women would have no problem finding the ideal guy.
He'd be good looking has a sense of humor, is madly in love with his significant other, and would never try to argue back or pick a fight.
However, we live in the real world. And in this place called 'reality,' relationships like that are rare.
While there might be a number of guys out there whom we can classify as 'decent', there are also plenty of duds lurking about.
Here are the top identified characteristics of loser guys, so you can steer clear of them before they come near you and accidentally sweep you off your feet with their antics.
This kind of guy is bad news. He can start out as a gentleman and tell you he'll never do or say anything to hurt you again after he does. But, the truth of the matter is, he won't change. If a guy has a nasty temper and begins to show inclinations toward abuse (either physically or verbally), you should get out of that relationship at once.
Abusive guys start out nice and you probably won't be able to spot them until they're in abuse mode. This usually comes out when your relationship turns serious and he starts to become possessive and aggressive. If he has hit you once, don't believe him when he says he won't do so again. He will and you should leave.
The Meantime Guy
Or, as most women like to call him, the "I Have No Idea What I Saw In Him" guy. He may seem all right at first. That is, you started going out with him because he seemed like a nice person and he was available. However, when it boils down to the nitty gritty of the relationship itself, you discover that your relationship really has no strong foundation.
You have nothing to talk about and share no interests in common. Worse, you cringe when people see you together in public. It's not really him that's the problem. It's the basis of the relationship - very shallow.
Why are you still with this guy, again? End it now.
The Self-Absorbed Guy
This guy only thinks of himself and does not care about your opinions. He believes that you will never equal him and that you should just pay attention to fulfilling HIS needs (making yours only secondary and, therefore, unimportant).
He does not want you to share his level and it will be futile to try to make him think in your favor. You're worth more than this kind of treatment. You should be with someone who shares the limelight with you and listens to what you have to say.
The Suddenly Distant Guy
Girls should watch out for this kind of guy because he can never stay put in one place, or in one relationship, for too long. Sure, some guys start out great but, then, all of a sudden, with no obvious reason, he becomes distant and acts all weird.
Slowly you grow apart. You bang your head against the wall trying to explain his behavior and what might have triggered it.
Often, your paranoia will lead you to believe that something is wrong with you. There isn't. He is the problem. If he won't share his feelings and problems with you, it's not likely that your relationship will flourish any further.
End it while it's still bearable. You will only be dragging the occurrence of the inevitable (a breakup) if you hold on and try to convince yourself that things will eventually change.
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How to Lend Money without Ruining Relationships
When you decide to lend money to someone in need, that's good, right? People react to this question in all kinds of ways from outright aversion to approval, and all shades of emotions in between.
Many believe being broke is a result of idleness. They believe the so-called poor get what they deserve because they are picky about jobs, are irresponsible about money, and do not seek ways to improve their skills.
They are where they are, some say, because they refuse to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Why should we encourage loafers by loading them money? they say.
Have we, as a society, really lost our desire to help others?
Laziness is not a good trait. People who are lazy and don't help themselves do not gain anyone's favor. But what isn't good about the phrase "pull yourself up by your bootstrap" is that it indicates how people have forgotten that everyone needs some kind of help in the beginning.
Phrases like "people determine their own destiny" may sound good, but it's as if "those who have made it" have forgotten that they, too, needed help at some time.
Lend with a plan
There's an order to helping. Lending with no clear terms for repayment is more damaging than helpful. Forking out money to get someone out of your hair, with no interest for his or her future, is foolish. It breeds a culture of dependence and apathy.
When you don't make plans for repayment and commitment, you are more likely to see the last of the borrower after you signed your check. This is why there are so many ruined friendships, failed marriages, and destroyed family relationships arising from bad debts.
Practice good judgment
Not everyone is a deadbeat. The flipside is, not all borrowers deserve a loan. This is the part where good judgment is crucial. There is no hard and fast rule or easy barometer.
Friends or family members who don't save, don't work, are always out of money, but spend like there's no tomorrow are fiscal black holes. Lending might be more damaging than helpful, and end up ruining relationships. Ask yourself if lending is a band-aid for their problems or a long-term solution to their financial problems.
Another sticky issue is knowing if you have the capacity to give. We sometimes feel magnanimous, sometimes at a huge cost. As part of good financial management, financial planners recommend having at least three to six months worth of salary in the bank. This amount is not extra money. It is there for a purpose. Dipping into your emergency fund to help someone in need deprives your family of security. Dipping into your fund without your spouse's knowledge is disastrous.
Whatever you decide, understand that this is not just a money decision. It's really an emotional one. Knowing that should, at least, make you examine why you are giving assistance.
Write it down
Because lending is an emotional decision, it's best to run your plan through your financial planner or third-party professional before you give the green light. They can advise you on potential problems like cash flow, taxes, and penalties. They can help you get an objective look at the situation.
Keep the transaction business-like. Write everything down. If you don't feel comfortable going to a Notary Public, at least have it signed and keep it safe. If the borrower is your adult son or daughter, signing something in front of a third-party will drive home the point this is not something they can just make mom and dad write-off in the future.
Be clear about terms for repayment. Do it the way banks would, with an amortization schedule, an interest rate that ensures a fair return, collateral, if possible, and other appropriate conditions.
So, do lend a hand, if you must, but do it in order.
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