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The home is a child's first school. Children first learn to share by observing how their parents act. The environment where they grow up is a huge factor in determining how familiar they will be with situations that involve sharing. Eventually, when children enter the big school, they are faced with more experiences of sharing. They realize that even though the teacher's attention has to be shared with so many other kids, the teacher sees to it that all the children still get their fair share of attention.
How is sharing taught in school? This value can be formally and directly incorporated in the lessons. It could appear in stories, math problems, or language exercises. Also, it may or may not be openly discussed, depending on time constraints. This value can also be learned from an actual school situation. Through verbal and non-verbal affirmations from the teacher, sharing can be shown as a valuable trait to possess. Being highly visual learners, young children respond to a warm smile or an approving appreciative look. Sensitive and resourceful teachers know that learning is maximized when one knows how to utilize fully those opportune moments for teaching. Sometimes, when a child forgets to bring food for recess, the teacher would ask, "Who brought extra food? Would you like to share it with your classmate?" Some children offer, some don't. But even if they don't, they watch and they learn. A child should never be forced to share. One is invited to. One is simply shown the joy that another feels because he or she shared. When a child shares a material possession, be it food, paper, or books, a transformation occurs: by going out of oneself, one discovers the self. How does one guide the child to find the right balance between sharing and oversharing? - Explain in simple terms what sharing means: "the owner granting to another partial use, enjoyment, or possession of something." - Be observant of situations where it is the same child who shares or borrows all the time. Speak to the child about it. Find out if there is an underlying reason behind it. - Explain to the child that there are times when constant sharing with the same person will not help that person. Instead of preparing his school things as he should, that person can end up depending on the one who always shares. - Assure children that it is all right to say "no". Say "yes" if you want to say "yes", and "no" if you want to say "no". True sharing is an act done not because you fear someone, or you want to impress someone, but because you feel happy doing it. - The food they bring to school has been prepared for them. If they have extra, they can share. They should not end up going hungry because they "shared". When teaching a child to share in school, we increase our level of effectiveness if we take the time to know the child well. This will help us respect the child's personal rhythm, thus allowing the child to maximize his or her potential to the fullest so that he or she may one day share more with others.
Parenting Fumbles: Expecting Too Much From Our KidsWe were all raised imperfectly and we will most definitely raise our children imperfectly, as well. Our imperfections come with the territory and we can ill afford to be obsessed about them. A parenting expert once quoted the French philosopher, Voltaire, "The best is the enemy of the good." By that, it is assumed that he meant that we can be so focused on getting things perfect that we don't get things right. Whatever we do, it need not be 'perfect'. We can never be perfect, but we do have to give our best effort or even any effort at all. Some parents are sterling role models, whose children just stand out in behavior, bearing, confidence, attitude, politeness, you name it. But when we really look into the matter, we all know this is too good to be true. Our expectations from our children can make all the difference in their upbringing. If they see that we only care for low quality output, that is what they will deliver. It's human nature. We adjust effort to expectations in our place of work. If the expectations are set low, then our effort and output are low, too. A more important issue here is school and studies. We can also go the other extreme and say that school is all that matters, that grades are all that matter. Some children have even gone to the thinking that their parents' love for them is dependent on how high their grades are. Grades are numbers or letters that we use to keep score. They are, at best, indicators of something maybe success, intelligence, effort, virtue, character, etc. Maybe they are like the other positive numbers in our life assets, salary, ratios, stock portfolios, ROI, etc. They probably mean something, but, ultimately, they are numbers and things. So when we tell our kids that we expect them to do well in their studies, we tell them the limits of grades. Grades are not everything, but they are not meaningless. We also set them up for success. We do not simply set expectations, then sit back and wait for them to deliver the goods. We have to equip them, support them, mentor them, and monitor them. There are parents who do not want their children to have a tough life the way they did. This usually comes from parents who made something of themselves against all odds, through theirpersonal development training, especially if from a desperately poor background. The stories are real: walking to school and skipping meals because of lack of money, stretching what little they had and skimping on everything, making the best of a sub-quality education, which were all their parents could afford. These parents lived what American writer William Faulkner spoke of when he said that the poor know the joy and despair of a penny found and a penny lost. They had no nest egg from their parents to start with upon graduation. They fixed their sights on what they could do rather than wallow in self-pity or embarrassment. Parents in this predicament have lost sight of how hardship shaped their lives for the better and taught them to be tough, resilient, resourceful, hardworking, and demanding on themselves. The desire to spare their kids the bitterness is understandable, but misdirected. These lessons packaged well can make a real mark on their children's values. We all know the value of story-telling, but we can get carried away and sound boastful or we may give the impression that the lesson is a cudgel we bear to pummel our kids with on cue. It is never too early to think about our children's future. Good parents are aware that they are raising children to be adults. We have to keep our eyes on the target and not be distracted by noise nor by our own shortcomings.
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The young mind begins to see that teaching itself is an act of sharing.
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