Basics of Healthy Relationships
self help article
by Jim Rohn

Self help article by Jim Rohn, about relationships, happiness, personal development, happiness self help & emotion quotes.

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"Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing." Jim Rohn ********************************************************

Relationships, Part One - Basics of Healthy Relationships

I've come to the realization that everything we do is based on relationships. Relationships make the world go around.

We buy out of relationships, wars are fought over broken relationships, we have children because of relationships - every single thing that takes place on this planet is an extension of and is driven by relationships.

Our relationships can allow us to experience the peaks of ecstasy and the low valleys of agony. They have the greatest potential to give us joy and cause us to grow and become more if we so choose.

This month we will explore the secrets of successful relationships, and we will seek to understand what ingredients make healthy relationships in our lives. Because ultimately, one person caring about another represents life's greatest value. We will look at four main areas:

1. Basics of Healthy Relationships. There are certain fundamentals that, if mastered, will take you far down the road of healthy relationships. The key to understanding relationships is that relationships involve people. And while every person is different, there are general principles that make most people tick. If we understand these basics or fundamentals, and operate accordingly, we can make our bad relationships good and our good relationships great. We will cover these basics later in this edition.

2. Family and Spousal Relationships. The primary relationships that most people have are with their family. Yes, that wonderful enigma we call family. Those deep and meaningful relationships that can bring the highlights - and the lowlights - of life. That group of people, many of whom we didn't even get to choose, who will walk through this life with us. Your family relationships must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship growing and flourishing. We will discuss how to have great family and spousal relationships in next week's edition.

3. Friendships. Second to family, friends are the most important relationships we have. Friendships are unique because they are the relationships we have that are almost entirely voluntary. You don't get to choose your parents or your siblings, but you do get to choose your friends. And so many times we find that these relationships can provide matchless dynamics not found in our other relationships. These especially can, in their own special way, enhance our other relationships. This makes the relationship unique, and we will take a deeper look into successful friendships in two weeks.

4. Business Relationships. Many people do not understand how powerful relationships are in business. You've heard me say it before, but you cannot succeed by yourself. It is hard to find a rich hermit. So many times we underestimate this unique dynamic that has the potential to take us to new levels in our businesses. We may understand that family and friends are about relationships, but mistakenly think that "business is business". The fact is that even in business, relationships rule. Think for a moment about two sales people, one of whom is a friend and one of whom you have never met before. When it comes right down to it, you are most likely to buy from the one you know. That is the foundation of relationships. In three weeks, we will look at how to have great business relationships.

The Basics of Healthy Relationships.

Nothing can bring more joy to life than beautifully fulfilling relationships. The depth of meaning, understanding and appreciation that these kinds of relationships bring is almost unfathomable. And, of course, as many people find out, nothing can bring so much pain as a broken relationship with someone dear to you.

Yes, relationships make the world go 'round'. For better or for worse. But the exciting thing is that we can do much to increase our chances of having terrific relationships--relationships that are fulfilling and exciting, rich with meaning, joy and love. There are basics that govern most human relationships and these basics are what I want to cover below. So, here is my list of the eight essentials that I believe make up the basics of healthy relationships.

1. Love. Now, this all depends on your definition of love. Most people think that love is a feeling, but I would strongly debate that point. Actually, the concept of "like" is really about feelings. When you say you like someone, you are talking about how you feel. But when you say that you love someone, you are not necessarily talking about how you feel about them. Love is much deeper than a feeling. Love is a commitment we make to people to always treat that person right and honorably. Yes, for those we become especially close to, we will have feelings of love, but I believe it is time for us to re-examine what we mean by love. We must expand our definition of what love means by including the commitment aspect of love. For healthy relationships, we must love everyone. We may not like them based on how we feel about them, but we should love them based on our definition of love above which in turn determines how we should act towards them, that is, treat them right and honorably.

2. Serving Heart. My good friend Zig Ziglar says frequently that "you can have everything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want out of life." The concept he is talking about is having a heart and life that is focused on serving other people. The Bible puts it this way: consider others' interests as more important than your own. This is also fundamental to healthy relationships.

3. Honest Communication. In any good relationship you will find open and honest communication. Communication is so important because it is the vehicle that allows us to verbalize what is inside us and enables it to connect with another person. Isn't communication amazing? One person is feeling one thing and through communication, another person can find that out and feel it too--amazing. And this is a vital goal in good relationships--to communicate, to tell each other what we are thinking and what we are feeling. It enables us to make a connection. Sometimes we are the one speaking and other times we are listening. Either way, the central tenet is communication for the sake of building the relationship and making it stronger. And here's what's exciting, if we just communicate, we can get by. But if we communicated skillfully, we can work miracles!

4. Friendliness. Put simply, relationships just work better when we are friendly with others. Being friendly can cushion the bumpy ride we sometimes experience in our relationships. Cheerfulness goes a long way toward building lasting relationships. I mean, nobody wants to be around a grump, do they? The fact is that the friendlier you are the more you are going to have people who want to pursue longer-lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with you. So cheer up, put on a smile, have kind words to say to others, treat people with a great deal of friendliness and you will see your relationships improve.

5. Patience. People being people, we have an awful lot of time for practice in the area of patience. People are not perfect and will constantly fail us. And conversely we will fail other people. So while we try to have more patience for others, we need their patience as well. So often, I think relationships break down because people give up and lose patience. I am talking about all kinds of friendships, marriages, business relationships, etc. Recent research has shown that those marriages that go through major turmoil and then make it through, are very strong after doing so. Patience wins out. Those who give up on relationships too early or because the other person isn't perfect, often forget that their next friend, their next spouse or business partner, will not be perfect either! So, we would do well to cultivate this skill and learn to have more patience.

6. Loyalty. Loyalty is a commitment to another person. Sadly, loyalty is often a missing element in many relationships today. We have forgotten what it means to be loyal. Our consumer mentality has affected this to some degree. People are no longer loyal to a product. And unfortunately, many companies are not loyal to their clients or patrons. Regrettably, this has spilled over into our relationships. It is one thing to switch brands of dishwashing detergent. It is another thing altogether to switch friends. Sometimes we just need to commit to being loyal and let the relationship move forward. We need a higher level of stick-to-it-iveness! This kind of loyalty will take our relationships to a much deeper level. What a powerful and secure feeling of knowing that you have a relationship with someone who is loyal to you and you to them--that neither of you is going anywhere even when things get tough. Wow--how powerful!

7. A Common Purpose. One of the basics of healthy relationships is to have a common purpose, and oftentimes this is a component that is initially overlooked, but for a long-term, long-lasting relationship it is vital. Think about how many friends you have met through the years while working on a common purpose. Maybe it was someone you met while participating in sports, while working on a political campaign, attending church, at your office, or anything that brought you together to work on a common purpose. You had that strong common bond of purpose that brought you together and held you together. Working together, building together, failing and succeeding together - all while pursuing a common purpose - that is what relationships are made of. Find people with whom you have common purposes and sow the seeds of great relationships, and then reap the long-lasting benefits.

8. Fun. All good relationships have some element of fun. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean, loud, raucous fun, though that is appropriate for some relationships. But even in business relationships there should be some fun. It should be fun to do business with those who you are going to have a long-term business relationship with. Fun brings enjoyment to the relationship and that is important. I think that oftentimes this key element can be easily forgotten or neglected in our family and spousal relationships. The fun things we did initially in a new relationship after a while can be taken for granted or simply fall by the wayside and we stop creating the fun and joy. So remember to consciously craft fun situations and moments, for these are the glue that hold our memories together and make our lives sweet.

There are so many key ingredients to making and maintaining great, long-lasting relationships. Each of the eight components we discussed brings unique dynamics and rewards to your relationships. Let's begin to focus on improving our relationships in these areas and see what miracles occur!

In the next section, Chris is going to give you some thoughts on relationships as well as some questions for reflection and actions points to follow through on.

Until next week, let's do something remarkable!

Jim Rohn

Basics of Healthy Relationships by Jim Rohn
(excerpted from Week 18 of the Jim Rohn One-Year Success Plan)

To enroll in the Jim Rohn One-Year Success Plan and begin the journey - go to http://jr1.jimrohn.com

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Better understated than overstated. Let people be surprised that it was more than you promised and easier than you said. - Jim Rohn

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For effective communication, use brevity.

Jesus said, "Follow me."

Now that's brief!

He could be brief because of all that he was that he didn't have to say. - Jim Rohn

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You cannot speak that which you do not know. You cannot share that which you do not feel.

You cannot translate that which you do not have. And you cannot give that which you do not possess.

To give it and to share it, and for it to be effective, you first need to have it. Good communication starts with good preparation. - Jim Rohn

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The goal of effective communication should be for listeners to say, "Me, too!" verses "So what?" - Jim Rohn

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Learn to express, not impress. - Jim Rohn

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Be brief on the logic and reason portion of your presentation.

There are probably about a thousand facts about an automobile, but you don't need them all to make a decision. About a half dozen will do. - Jim Rohn

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Effective communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel about what you know. - Jim Rohn

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What is powerful is when what you say is just the tip of the iceberg of what you know. - Jim Rohn

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It's not the matter you cover so much as it is the manner in which you cover it. - Jim Rohn

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Self help article by Jim Rohn, the master philosopher, about relationships, happiness, personal development, happiness self help & emotion quotes.

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"If you talk to your children, you can help them to keep their lives together. If you talk to them skillfully, you can help them to build future dreams." Jim Rohn ********************************************************

Put a Little Z.I.P. Into Your Relationships! by Chris Widener
(excerpted from Week Eighteen of the Jim Rohn One-Year Success Plan)

Hi there, Chris Widener here. Jim has some great stuff this week and I wanted to give you a good way to remember some of the basics of what he talked about with an acronym I have used to keep my mind on three important elements of relationships in my own life. It is the acronym Z.I.P. Here are some thoughts on how to put a little Z.I.P. into your relationships!

Through the years I have spent hundreds of hours working with people in their relationships: Marriages, friendships, working relationships and social relationships. Through it all I have seen some wonderful things and some terrible things. It truly is the good, the bad and the ugly!

But I have been able to find three core elements of successful relationships. These are things that, when done over time, begin to create for you the kinds of relationships that you truly desire. They are the kinds of relationships you have always dreamed of.

The key to remembering these three items is the acronym Z.I.P. Z.I.P. stands for three things you can do - and begin to do immediately - to improve any and all of your relationships. They are:

Put some Zest into your relationships.
Cultivate more Intimacy in your relationships.
Develop a Purpose in your relationships.

Let's take a closer look at each of these three:

Put some Zest into your relationships.

By Zest, I primarily mean fun. Relationships were meant to be fun! We wouldn't have been made with the capacity to have fun if relationships weren't supposed to have a little zest in them!

Think about it: Don't you usually start out most healthy relationships with a lot of fun times? Whether it is going out to dinner or a ballgame, or spending time playing a game or even just a lively talk, you usually have fun as a major part of the relationship. Fun is some of the glue that bonds the relationship.

However, as life goes on, specifically in a marriage, but potentially in all relationships really, the fun starts to go by the wayside. More and more it is about getting the job done, whatever the job may be.

To restore the relationship, to put a little zip into it, we need to reintroduce the idea of "zest."

What about you? Have you lost the zest? What can you do to get it back? Think of a specific relationship you have: What were the fun things you did at the beginning of the relationship that acted as the glue that bonded you together? Now, commit to doing those again and see if your relationship doesn't begin to soar again! If you can, develop new fun things to do together so you can both start an adventure of fun together!

Cultivate more Intimacy in your relationships.

First a couple of clarifications: One, I don't just mean intimacy in the common term of sexual intimacy. I mean for all intents and purposes, taking your relationship to a deeper level. Second, I don't mean that you have to start doing group hugs with your workmates or having revelation sessions where the tissue flows freely.

What I do mean is that every relationship that is mutually satisfying has a level of depth to it that provides meaning. This is really what the search is for in our relationships--meaning.

Remember when you first started your relationship, whether with your spouse or friend. All of that time was spent opening up, telling who you are, where you were from, and about your likes and dislikes. There was a deep sense of satisfaction with the relationship - that is why it continued. You liked who they were and you enjoyed being known by them.

But then something happens. We get to a certain level and the pursuit of depth ends. We stop sharing feeling, likes and dislikes. We stop sharing joys and dreams and fears. Instead, we settle into routines. The daily grind takes over and we stop knowing one another and we simply exist together. Now don't get me wrong, every time you get together doesn't have to be deep. Remember, I am the one who advocates in the previous paragraphs just having plain old fun sometimes. But there is a need for regular times of intimate connection where we go deeper with others.

This is particularly hard for many of the male species like myself, but it is not only possible but healthy and needed! If we want to have the kinds of relationships we were made to have, we have to open ourselves up to having others know us and for us to know others.

True meaningful relationships come when we are loved and accepted for whom we are at our core, not simply for acting in such a way in our relationships to keep the other person in it.

Think about the relationships you would like to see improvement in. Take some time in the coming weeks and months to spend time just talking and getting to a deeper level in your relationship. Specifically, let the other person deeper into your world. You can't force the other person to be more intimate and you certainly can't say, "Let's get together and have an intimate conversation," because that would be too contrived. But you can make a decision for yourself that you will let others into your world. Perhaps this will be the catalyst for them doing the same.

You can guard yourself from intimacy, but then you won't go much deeper and you will feel a longing in your heart for more, or you can begin the deepening process and see your relationships change for the better.

Develop a Purpose in your relationships.

The most meaningful relationships we have are those that are held together by a common purpose and vision for what the relationship can accomplish, not only for those involved but also for a greater good.

Let's face it, when people have a common purpose they feel like they are part of a team and they feel bound together in that relationship. Even when people may be disappointed in the people they are in relationship with, if they have a purpose, such as raising children, they are much more likely to stick it out. Purpose creates bonds.

So what happens if we are proactively involved in seeking out a common purpose with those we want a relationship with or those with whom we already have a relationship, but would like to see it go to a deeper level? Well, it gets better and stronger.

Think about your strongest relationships. Aren't they centered around at least one area of purpose or a common goal?

What about a relationship that has cooled? Think back and see if perhaps you used to have a common purpose but it has gone by the wayside.

And what of your desire to see a relationship grow? Take some time to begin to cultivate a common purpose. Sit down with that person and tell them that you would like to have some common goals, some purposes that you can pursue together. As you develop these, you will see your relationship strengthen in ways you never imagined!

Let's recap: You want your relationships to show a little "zip"? Then put a little Z.I.P. in them:

Put some Zest into your relationships.
Cultivate more Intimacy in your relationships.
Develop a Purpose in your relationships.

Questions for Reflection

Q. What do you think about the distinction between love and like? How can you love everyone, even if you may not like them? Do you feel like you love others? How so?

Q. Are you a person who is characterized by serving others? How? What would others say about you in regard to this question?

Q. How are your communication skills? Do they hurt or hinder your ability to develop and maintain positive relationships? In what area do you need to grow most?

Q. Would you describe yourself as a person of patience? Or do you lose it with people? What things really make you lose your patience? What can you do to change that?

Q. Are you having fun in your relationships? How? What can you do to cultivate more fun?

Action Points

1. Think of a person you interact with regularly who you neither like nor love. Now, this week, make every effort to love that person by treating him or her right and honorably, no matter how they act.

2. Make it a goal to serve one or two people each day selflessly without expecting anything in return. Just do something for them that they would appreciate.

3. Think about one area of your communication skills that needs improvement. Now, each day this week, work on it. If it is listening for example, tell yourself as you go through the day, "Don't speak yet. Listen. Really listen." Only after you have disciplined yourself to grow in this way should you then speak.

4. Think of a relationship that used to be more fun. It may be with a spouse or a friend but you just haven't done anything fun lately. Now, plan something fun for this week and Do It! Get out and enjoy that other person!

See you next week, Chris Widener

Chris is also a weekly contributor to The Jim Rohn One-Year Success Plan. To learn more about The Jim Rohn One-Year Success Plan and/or to start your membership this new year go to http://jr1.jimrohn.com

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"The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, 'If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.' Now I say, 'I will take care of me for you if you will take care of you for me'" Jim Rohn ********************************************************

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

This article was submitted by Jim Rohn, America's Foremost Business Philosopher. To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine go to www.jimrohn.com or send a blank email to subscribe@jimrohn.com Copyright © 2000 Jim Rohn International. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. - Jim Rohn

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We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. - Jim Rohn

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All disciplines affect each other.

Mistakenly the man says, "This is the only area where I let down."

Not true. Every let down affects the rest. Not to think so is naive. - Jim Rohn

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Discipline is the foundation upon which all success is built. Lack of discipline inevitably leads to failure. - Jim Rohn

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Discipline has within it the potential for creating future miracles. - Jim Rohn

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The best time to set up a new discipline is when the idea is strong. - Jim Rohn

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One discipline always leads to another discipline. - Jim Rohn

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Affirmation without discipline is the beginning of delusion. - Jim Rohn

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You don't have to change that much for it to make a great deal of difference.

A few simple disciplines can have a major impact on how your life works out in the next 90 days, let alone in the next 12 months or the next 3 years. - Jim Rohn

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The least lack of discipline starts to erode our self-esteem. - Jim Rohn

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These quotes are by Jim Rohn, America's Foremost Business Philosopher.

Excerpted from The Treasury of Quotes by Jim Rohn. Copyright © 1994 Jim Rohn International. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Self help article by Jim Rohn, the master philosopher, about relationships, happiness, personal development, happiness self help & emotion quotes.
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