“7 Ways to Boost Your Self Esteem Quickly”
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Low self esteem can trip you up just when you need your self esteem is be at its best. These 7 tips will help you feel better about yourself quickly:
1) Think back to when you did something new for the first time.
Learning something new is often accompanied by feelings of nervousness, lack of self belief and high stress levels, all of which are necessary parts of the learning process. The next time you feel under-confident, remembering this will remind you that it's perfectly normal - you're just learning!
2) Do something you have been putting off.
Like writing or calling a friend, cleaning the house, tidying the garden, fixing the car, organizing the bills, making a tasty and healthy meal - anything that involved you making a decision, then following through!
3) Do something you are good at.
Examples? How about swimming, running, dancing, cooking, gardening, climbing, painting, writing… If possible, it should be something that holds your attention and requires enough focus to get you into that state of 'flow' where you forget about everything else. You will feel more competent, accomplished and capable afterwards, great antidotes to low self esteem!
And while you're at it, seriously consider doing something like this at least once a week. People who experience 'flow' regularly seem to be happier and healthier.
4) Stop thinking about yourself!
I know this sounds strange, but low self esteem is often accompanied by too much focus on the self. Doing something that absorbs you and holds your attention can quickly make you feel better.
5) Get seriously relaxed.
If you are feeling low, anxious or lacking in confidence, the first thing to do is to stop thinking and relax properly. Some people do this by exercising, others by involving themselves in something that occupies their mind. However, being able to relax yourself when you want is a fantastic life skill and so practicing self hypnosis, meditation, or a physically-based relaxation technique such as Tai Chi can be incredibly useful.
When you are properly relaxed, your brain is less emotional and your memory for good events works better. A great 'rescue remedy'!
6) Remember all the things you have achieved.
This can be difficult at first, but after a while, you'll develop a handy mental list of self-esteem boosting memories. And if you're thinking "But I've never achieved anything", I'm not talking about climbing Everest here.
Things like passing your driving test (despite being nervous), passing exams (despite doubting that you would), playing team sport, getting fit (even if you let it slip later), saving money for something, trying to help someone (even if it didn't work) and so on.
7) Remember that you could be wrong!
If you are feeling bad about yourself, remember that you way you feel affects your thoughts, memory and behavior. So when you feel bad, you will only remember the bad times, and will tend to be pessimistic about yourself. This is where the tip 'Get Seriously Relaxed' comes in!
Summary
Once you have tried out a few of these, consider making them a permanent part of your life. For most people, good self esteem is not just a happy accident, it's a result of the way they think and the things they do from day to day. Good Luck!
This self hypnosis session we publish can help with boosting self esteem
Article by Roger Elliott, author of the Free Self Confidence Course
Click here to subscribe to the free self confidence course now
http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/
Top Ten Facts about Low Self Esteem
Late in 2001, thinking about 'low self esteem' changed worldwide. The Rowntree Report (The costs and causes of low self esteem) paved the way for more effective, research-based identification and treatment of low self esteem.
If you suffer from low self esteem (or have been told you do), or treat people with low self esteem (or think you do), please read on.
Mark Tyrrell, co-author of the Self Confidence Trainer, completed a UK tours in 2002, 2003, 2004 & 2005 teaching thousands of health professionals the facts about self esteem and how to treat low self esteem in their patients. He has also co-authored a book on self esteem for Axis Publishing called The Giant Within - Maximise Your Self Esteem.
As you can imagine, Mark did a lot of research for his seminar 'How to Lift Low Self Esteem'. He has listed his 10 most important 'Tips' for you here.
1) Low Self Esteem Not To Blame!
We now know that all the ills of society cannot be blamed on low-self esteem (Prof Nicholas Emler - The Rowntree Report 2001). According to the latest research, low self esteem is not to blame for nearly as many problems as has traditionally been thought.
2) High Self Esteem Linked to Criminality
It is now clear that too high self esteem or 'High Self Esteem Disorder' is often more of a problem. (This is NOT merely a 'disguised' form of low self-esteem, as commonly thought). So, if you are the victim of a bully then you can rest assured you don't have to feel sorry for them.
Hundreds of pieces of reliable research now show that bullies and many criminals are much more likely to suffer from unrealistically high self esteem and impulse control problems than low self esteem. An exaggerated sense of entitlement - expecting much from many situations - is more likely to lead to frustration and aggressive, antisocial, or even criminal behaviour.
3) A Little More Uncertainty Can Help
Contrary to popular opinion, people with low self-esteem are always very sure of themselves.
This manifests in their conviction that they are worthless or inadequate. As you will know if you have ever tried to argue with someone who puts themselves down continually, it is very hard to do! When someone with low self esteem becomes less sure of their own opinion of themselves and therefore begins to assess counter evidence regarding their worthlessness, their self image begins to become more healthy.
4) You Can't Argue Someone Better!
Telling some one they are great or wonderful when they are constantly negative about themselves will not work. Arguing with someone who is so sure of themselves does not work, as we all know. You will just break rapport with that person. We have all met people who feel more comfortable in relationships with people who treat them badly - because that person seems to see things the way they do.
People with low self esteem can be upset by 'disconfirming feedback.' In other words if something happens which indicates that they may not be as terrible as they thought, it can feel disturbing as it contradicts their way of perceiving. Healthy self esteem needs to emerge subtly, not as a sudden result of hearing you are 'really special' or 'fantastic'.
People need proof that unsettles the certainty that they are so 'defective' or inadequate and leads to a more realistic and balanced self-assessment. This can only happen when they become calmer and more relaxed so that they can observe themselves more objectively and less emotionally. When ever we are highly emotional our perception is distorted ('emotional hijacking') when people calm down around the idea of themselves then a healthier self-esteem can emerge!
5) Child Abuse Increases Likelihood of Low Self Esteem
People who were abused as children (physical beating or sexual abuse) are more likely to suffer unrealistic low self esteem as adults. This is because of constant repetition of a 'message' that they are of little value or just an object to be used. In a way they have been 'brain washed' by constant criticism or abuse that they are a certain way.
When a person begins to question this former conditioning or brainwashing then a healthier and more accurate sense of self can begin to emerge. However the person may have to be de-traumatised so the emotional brain responds differently in future (rather than solely learning to think differently about stuff). However the way we think and our assumptions need to be observed, understood and if necessary challenged. (explanatory styles)
(Note: Most people who have low self esteem were not abused as children.)
6) Healthy Pleasures Are Vital
We need to engage in activities which we enjoy and in which we can 'lose ourselves' regularly. The better one's sense of themselves the less they tend to use words like 'me, myself, I, mine' (personal pronouns) Someone's mental and even, to some extent, physical health can be directly related to how 'self-referential' they are in their conversation - as people become healthier they use the 'I' word less, in the same way that when your knee stops hurting you don't need to rub it any more.
People should be encouraged to focus their attention away from themselves as well as to be able to take their own needs into account. A healthy balance should be encouraged as should the development of real practical skills. Real responsibility should be encouraged so that self-worth can respond to external evidence on an ongoing basis.
7) Make the Most of Success
Low self esteem requires a particular attitude towards success. Whenever you succeed at something, you must 'write it off' as good luck, chance, or someone else's responsibility.
To gain a more realistic view of yourself, you need to take appropriate credit for your successes. In the Self Confidence Trainer, we call this skill 'Converting'.
This involves learning how to convert real successes into statements about yourself. The other part of the picture is to view perceived failures as temporary and not statements about your 'core identity'.
8) Build on Solid Foundations
For anyone to be psychologically and physicaly healthy on an ongoing basis, there are a set of requirements that must be built into life. This is the checklist I use with my patients:
1. The need to give and receive attention
2. Taking care of the mind-body connection
3. The need for meaning, purpose and goals
4. The need for a connection to something greater than ourselves
5. The need for creativity and stimulation
6. The need for intimacy and connection
7. The need for a sense of control
8. The need for status
Of course, it is likely that at any one time, one or more of these may be slightly lacking in your life, without dire consequences. However, in the long-term, they must all be catered for one way or another.
9) Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem
1. Social withdrawal
2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil
3. Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
4. Less social conformity
5. Eating disorders
6. Inability to accept compliments
7. An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself
8. Accentuating the negative
9. Exaggerated concern over what they imagine other people think
10. Self neglect
11. Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
12. Worrying whether you have treated others badly
13. Reluctance to take on challenges
14. Reluctance to trust your own opinion
15. Expect little out of life for yourself
10) It's not just about Positive Thinking!
Positive thinking can be useful in that it challenges you to form a different view on things. However, most of the time it just takes the form of arguing with yourself, and as we've seen from 4) above, this doesn't work.
To change your self image and improve low self esteem, you need to believe in an alternative opinion of yourself, not just repeat platitudes about how great you are really!
Article by Mark Tyrrell, co-author of the Self Confidence Trainer
Boost low self esteem with the free confidence course
http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/
Why High Self Esteem is a Bad Thing
It’s understandable why many people think that high self esteem is the antidote to low self esteem. In life generally, if you have too little money, lots of money is attractive. If you don’t have enough food, a banquet is highly appealing.
But you need to think about high self esteem differently. Self esteem is more like paracetamol – the right amount will help you, but too much is a very bad idea indeed.
Truly low self esteem is a terrible thing; having the opinion that you yourself are worthless – are rubbish – is a condition no-one should have to endure. But high self esteem is a serious obstacle too, if not for you, then certainly for those around you.
Some characterstics of people with high self esteem are:
• Being prone to self satisfied boasting
• Tending to be smug and superior
• Abusing relationships, assuming their needs come first in any situation. If this doesn’t happen, they will become angry and bullying
• Adopting an air of superiority, simply because they have skill or luck in a particular area of life
• Being blind to their own faults and so are unlikely to change or improve themselves
• Tending to have impulse control problems
There is also now a wealth of evidence linking high self esteem to criminality.
I often hear clients suffering from real low self esteem compare themselves with the swaggering, loud uber-confident lad at their school, or the superman in their boardroom, but that does them no justice at all. I would much rather spend time with someone who has lower self esteem than someone with super-high self esteem – they are generally just nicer people!
Understanding that that super-confident individual has a handicap as real as their own can make a great difference to the way they feel about themselves.
With self esteem, as with so much in life, balance is everything.
Article by Roger Elliott, author of the Free Self Confidence Course
Click here to subscribe now
http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/
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