“ Dealing with Difficult People 101”
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Dealing with difficult people can make your life and yourjob miserable. Beyond a point, you cannot control difficultpeople.

You can only control how you react to them.

Ifthese difficult people consistently anger or intimidateyou, or simply rattle your cage, they ultimately controlyou.

In dealing with difficult people, it begs us to askthe question, “Might I be a difficult person?!”

We can allpossess difficult people traits, but what about thoseindividuals who are this way all the time?

1) First learn and understand their behavior patterns. Whenare these people most difficult? What types of behaviormakes them difficult people? Are they difficult only withyou or with others as well?

2) Don’t argue with overly aggressive or excessivelydifficult people. These individuals often have a desire fordissension and thrive on chaos. By arguing and wanting to“win” it only adds fuel to the fire.

3) Don’t take their behavior personally. Often, they areimpossible to be around because of something going on withthem.

5 Common Types of Difficult People

Complainer/Whiner/Negativist: Research shows thesedifficult people often have an excessive need to be likedand want sympathy. By complaining and being negative, theythink they’ll gain attention. These difficult people gainattention but not in a positive way. It pays to betactfully direct with the negativist.

For example, sayingto them, “I understand this is something you want to talkabout, and at the same time I want to make sure I get backto performing my work.” Dealing with difficult people thisway will usually cause them to move on to someone else; amore “captive audience” who they think will listen to theirexcessive whining.

Another key phrase is to say, “Pat, I want to bringsomething to your attention, and you may not even be awareof it. When you come in to work first thing in the morningcomplaining to the other staff about our new policy, it’sbeginning to look like a lot of negativity.

I just wantedto mention it because you may not be aware of how you’recoming across.” If you think they’re already aware of it,explain it to them anyway. Dealing with difficult peoplerequires diplomacy and tact.

Know-it-All: Listen and know what drives them. When dealingwith a know-it-all like this, ask yourself if they seem tohave an excessive need for control. Or, do they seeminsecure, but want to appear to have all the facts on justabout everything?

Maybe these difficult people arethreatened by you. First, let the know-it-all vent withinreason. Often, once they’ve let out all their “hot air,”then they’ll be more likely to listen to you.

If not, andthey start talking over you, it may be necessary to say,“So and so, I really have listened to everything you haveto say about such-and-such, and if you’d give me just amoment, I can help you as far as…..” Be direct, yet politeand tactful.

Exploder: When dealing with difficult people such as theexploder proceed with caution. Wait until they’re finished“erupting” and have “cooled their jets.”

You may be betteroff not saying much at all. Approach them again when theyare in a good mood. If they are never in a good mood,approach them when they are in a better mood.

Sniper: Dealing with difficult people who stealthily throwlittle digs your way are tricky contenders. After they tossinnuendos in a sometimes sarcastic tone and you show thatyou’re hurt, they accuse you of having “no sense of humor.”

In this case, consider ignoring them altogether. In thefuture they’ll be less likely to throw in little digsbecause they won’t get the reaction they’re looking forfrom you. As Zig Ziglar once said, “No one can get yourgoat if they don’t know where it’s tied up.”

Gossip: These difficult people either are bored, don’t haveenough to occupy their time, or simply like to make otherslook bad and themselves look good. Gossips don’t realizethat when they’re gossiping about everyone else, thatpeople are silently wondering, “I wonder what she/he saysabout me when I’m not around?!”

Sometimes gossips “gossip”as a distraction and to procrastinate important tasks.Often what they’re gossiping about doesn’t even affectthem. Next time this happens, listen intently, thenpolitely say, “And how does this affect you?”

They’ll getthe point. Be very careful, however, with your tone ofvoice. You do not want to come across at all as sarcastic.Besides, the latin root of “sarcasm” is “sarco” meaningtearing of the flesh!

Difficult People = Different People

It’s been said that difficult people are often “different”people. Often a person appears difficult because they areso different from us. Dealing with difficult people isn’teasy. It takes practice to learn how to deal with themeffectively.

If you are forced to interact with certain difficult peopleat times consider the following: keep the conversationlight. Talk about “news, weather, and sports” and nothingelse. Don’t let them press those buttons!

About the Author:

Colleen Kettenhofen is a motivational speaker, workplaceexpert, & co-author of "The Masters of Success," asfeatured on the Today Show, along with Ken Blanchard andJack Canfield.http://www.ColleenSpeaks.com Topics: leadership,management, difficult people, presentation skills. Toorder the book, or for free articles and newsletter visithttp://www.ColleenSpeaks.com

Happiness and wellbeing self help books and building self esteem dealing with difficult people personal development articles about improving your Happiness, Health & Wealth, increasing your wisdom on how to be happy, and using self help resources like self help site with free self help books on being happy with loving relationships, high self esteem & self confidence using self actualization and self growth building self esteem dealing with difficult people resources.

Change Your Point of View To Enjoy Life

"Two men look out through the same bars: One sees mud and the other one sees stars," says Frederick Langbridge, author of A Cluster of Quiet Thoughts.

Life is about choices. You may opt to adopt a pessimist’s view and live a self-defeated life; or decide to take the optimist’s route and live a challenging and fulfilling life.

Optimism relates to positive mood, good morale, all forms of success, popularity, good health, long life, and freedom from trauma.

Depression and pessimism affect middle-aged adults and younger people. The mean age of onset has gone from 30 to 15 years old. It now affects both middle-aged homemakers and teen-agers.

How do you nurture an optimist’s point of view? Here are some tips:

1) Optimists expect the best

The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they focus on bad events and undermine everything they do. Bad events also happen to optimists. However, they maintain the opposite view. They believe that defeat is a temporary setback.

2) Optimists use 'positive reinterpretation’

Such people are unfazed by a bad situation, they perceive it as a challenge to make them learn and grow. They don’t say “Things will never get better,” “If I failed once, it will happen again”, and “If I experience misfortune in one part of my life, then it will happen in my whole life.”

Positive expectancies result to better reactions during transitions to new environments and sudden tragedies. When the going gets tough, optimists get tougher.

3) Optimists are proactive and less dependent on others for their happiness.

They find no need to control or manipulate people. They naturally draw people towards them. Their optimistic view of the world can be contagious and influence others.

Optimism is a socially desirable trait in all communities. Optimists often win elections and are more popular. People treat pessimists and those who spread gloom, panic, and hysteria unfavorably.

4) Optimists persevere.

Pessimists react to a stressful event by denying its existence or simply avoiding it. Pessimists are more likely to quit when a difficulty arises.

Optimists don’t give up easily. They are patient. They take small steps towards their goal or dream. Because of this healthy disposition, optimists are healthier and they live longer.

Medical research shows that a positive outlook can cause measurable increase in the body's ability to fight disease. Optimists age well and outlive those prone to negative thoughts.

Be an optimist. Look forward to success in all your endeavors. Be resilient. Like everybody else, you are bound to hit low points but do not just stay there. More importantly, inspire others to remove their dark-colored glasses and begin to see life’s bright side.

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